Passover is here!
I've begun preparing for the seder I'll be hosting. I love this holiday, probably more than any other Jewish holiday. In fact, I think it might be my favorite holiday ever. There is something deep in my soul that stirs when we sit around the table retelling the story that has been passed down generation after generation, when we sings songs, asking the God of the universe to bring us into Peace, and when we reflect upon the past redemption and future redemption. The songs are my favorite part. Such simplicity and depth.
This year as I prepare for passover, I'm praying for a deeper understanding of God's redemption. This is the time of year last year when the ex and I started dating. How do I know? Well, I spent all last year's passover seder completely distracted (and slightly insane) thinking about him and the possibility of us being together. Sounds silly now a year later when I know how that story ended.
But I've seen the mighty redemptive hand of the Lord over the last year. I've seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I have gone to what can only be considered the depths of the wild sea, and the Lord has held me with His steadfast hand. The past few weeks have been a little bit of a rollercoaster with some stuff going on in my life. I hit my 6 month mark being in Korea. I hit my 9 month mark of the break up. And I hit the 3 year mark of leaving Chile (which left as big of a whole in my heart as any man).
But the past has taught me a few things.
I've learned that- Life has enough rollercoasters in it, I don't need to create more for myself.
I've learned that- Time passes really quickly even when youre not having fun. It's just life.
I've learned that- I can trust God to give me wisdom, but I have to be the one exercize it. I cannot blame Him when my own selfish desires keep me in sin.
I've learned that- while my desire to be a wife and mother never seem to fade, my joy in being single increases each year.
I've learned that- I am a broken sinner. And my sin hurts those around me.
So as I get ready for Passover, as I pretend to remove all the leaven here in my apartment (it's not gonna happen!), as I practice the blessings for the seder so I dont look like a fool, I want to reflect on the Passover Lamb who died for the sins of the world. The One I call my Lord.