Sunday, November 11, 2007

All my fountains

I want to share this song that we sing at my church. Really moving words that seemed to speak more clearly today to me than ever before.

When I walk through the fire, Lies aflame tempt my weary heart, Oh my soul
Where is there peace to be found? Where can my feet find their ground?
When I'm swept through the storm, wind and rain hound me all my days, Oh my Lord!
Cause me to rest in your arms, save me from fear and from harm
Oh Lord, There is not rock of refuge,
No port of anchorage,
Nothing to keep the seas at bay,
Nothing to to hold me
Nothing can save me
But you, 'cause all my fountains are in you

With this blood on my hands, Acusations have found their proof, O my soul!
Fruit of my heart is but death, I've sown it so deep in my breast
Where can healing exist? For such a cold sinstained wretch as this, Oh my Lord!
Cause me to run to you tree, Open my eyes that I see You, O Lord...
There is no rock of refuge,
No port of anchorage,
Nothing to keep the seas at bay,
Nothing to hold me
Nothing can save me
But you, 'cause all my fountains are in you.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

"heart" of lippy

Through all the jokes about "hear to flippy" and "heart off, lippy", the truth is this blog is supposed to be some type of reflection of my heart. Maybe that is a lofty goal for an internet blog. Or maybe its just unwise. :) I think I have tried to be honest in my attempts to share with you my life. In that honesty, I find myself writing through various seasons of life. I just want to give warning: this season is one of rawness. My entries are real, not carefully crafted to hide the reality of my situation. I have felt a deep brokeness this last week and yet a deeper peace in that brokeness, knowing that my God has all things in His control. Thank you for bearing with me. I hope somehow these entries offer hope to others. That you can see the real work that God does in the hearts of the people who follow Him.

PS- the blog name jokes, you know who you are! ;)

Friday, November 09, 2007

Fear

Wow, the week has flown!!! It has been filled with tons and tons of homework. Lots of other work, and of course some really good conversations. This week was interesting. I found myself missing my life more than ever. I got a notice in my school mailbox telling me the radio stations to listen to for snow days. Umm.. yeah.. snow days? And it really began to hit me this week that I LIVE here. Even as I type these words I feel my whole body getting tense. The only time I remember feeling this tense was when I was working too many hours with 22 credits in school. I feel the panic of the unknown, the fear. My dad had given me warning that if I needed time to adjust before coming out here for seminary, I should. But I thought I was fine. I have never been one to allow myself time to adjust. But I am seeing that maybe I am not as flexible and invincible as I thought I was. I have these moments when I feel deep fear. I have no clue how to handle the fact that I live here. Here in Philadelphia. Here on the east coast. Here in the country. How do you drive in snow? Is it dangerous? I am so cold, so cold here. I love studying here, but I have to admit, this feels so much more foreign land than Chile ever did. Anyways, enough rantings for the day. Please pray for this time and that I would have wisdom as to how much to allow myself to feel the weight of the situation. Thank you for all the encouraging emails I have gotten. God bless!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Hard Week Ending

In Doctrine of Church today, Stan Gale spoke about spiritual warfare and I was really grateful for the lecture. This week has been somewhat intense. Nothing big in particular, but may little things breaking my heart. I had a dream last night about someone from my past that I am having a hard tiem forgiving (and no, they don't read this blog). In my dream I was crying uncontrollably and at various times I would see myself in the mirror and not have any sign of my crying. My eyes were normal, not puffy. When I woke up though, I had really been crying. This week has been hard on my heart. But in class Gale talked about how the crisises in our lives are there sometimes to show us where we are not okay. Where we are not walking in the full promises of the Lord. I have seen this week so much about myself, where my heart is, where my mouth is, and I am sick at the thought of my actions and thoughts this week. I know the Lord is gracious, and I am choosing to beleive that even though I might not feel it right now. I feel like this week a big spot light on my heart, showing any and all filth that might be there. This weekend, I hope to rest in His promises. He has called me to a life of holiness and I want that with all my heart and soul. So I am joyful in this shame. I rest in knowing that God is dealing with me out of love. He cares too much for me to let me continue in my sin.