Monday, February 26, 2007

10 days left

I apologize for not blogging for over a week. And to be honest, this blog will not offer much. Since the change of plans, life has been more than I can handle, and through it God has been forcing me to trust Him. To trust Him that I will finish my work, that I will not get sick from working 10-12 hours a day, that we will find a person to take my place in the apartment, that we will find a job for Danielle, that He will provide grace in the hearts of my friends here to forgive me, that He kindly remind me everytime I start to freak out that He is more than sufficient and that I am only called to act in the faith He has given me. So it has been an intense few weeks, but God is good. He has brought both Ashlee and Danielle safely here. He has provided a ton of help at my job so that I can leave early. And most recently, He provided a new roommate for our apartment. Her name is Marissa and she is from Chico California. She is here working (she was here for a year study program a few years ago) while she waits to go back to grad school and God has brought her for this year to live in my place in the apartment. More details on the whole situation to come. I really appreciate your prayers. This time has not been easy and I wish I could sit down with each and every one of you and tell you how this is going and how God brought me to this place, but I can't. Please trust that I am truly seeking God's way right now and trusting in Him to make that path straight. Thank you for all your prayers.

Friday, February 16, 2007

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,my glory, and the lifter of my head.4I cried aloud to the Lord,and he answered me from his holy hill -Ps. 3:3

This verse was given to me this morning by Rachie. And He has lifted my head today. I have been nervous about raising support for Israel. But He has given me more and more peace each day, promising that He will provide. I have been looking through the internet trying to find something, anything to advise me on this process, to encourage me. And this morning in the pile of books that I classified there was a book called Friend Raising. And it is EXACTLY what I need to read. And then, the blessings continued. A friend of mine down here, himself a missionary, came into the office and handed me a check. My first support check! I couldn't believe that the Lord would be so good to me to bless me immensly twice in just a few hours!
Prasie The Lord, the lifter of my head!

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

I was listening to a talk by Amy Lockman (on staff at Mars Hill Church) and she shared this verse. And wow, Lord please burn this verse on my heart. That I may view You as the God of Hope, that you may fill me with all joy and peace in believing in You and Your promises, and that by Your power Holy Spirit I may abound in all hope!!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day.
Usually I spend the month before this day, trying to figure out a way to secure a date, and it NEVER happens. And then I usually console myself by having my girlfriends be my valentine. But deep down I always feel depressed that another year passed without finding that special someone. Well, a few weeks ago God did some crazy things in my heart and showed me how I wasn't trusting Him. And after many tears and some long conversations with Rachie, I finally surrendered my heart to Him. I literally felt like I took my heart and placed it in His hands and said, "do with it as You please, for it is Yours". And since then I have felt so fine, more than fine, I have felt really content with where God has me, a single girl. Don't get me wrong, I still desire to get married someday, but really for right now, God has my heart and that is all that matters. And today is the big test. Can I go through Valentines Day without grabbing my heart back from the Lord and feeling all sad? So far, the Lord has been faithful to keep me secure in His love.
Girls, if you are single.. examine your hearts today. Have you really placed your heart in His hands allowing Him to guide it? Take it from me, the peace He gives is SO much better than the pity party the world will give us.

it's all finalizing

I bought my ticket yesterday. I will leave Santiago at 7:30am and arrive in San Francisco at 11:30pm. There was minor drama involved with the buying of the ticket. I had done a ton of research (I always feel like Ashlee's dad when I do that, he's known for his awesome internet research skills!) and found that the two airlines known for flying in and out of Chile, were offering my ticket for $2500! ONE WAY!!! But thank You Lord, I found another airline that offered the ticket for only $800. But then it turned out that they don't accept credit cards online. So I found a reservation office and ran on over. As I walked away with my ticket (well, an e-ticket) in my hand, it really started to hit me: I'm leaving Chile. I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I walked home. I made dinner for my friend Veronica (curry, YUM!) and we sat in my apartment for a few hours talking about our futures. She is Chilena but married to a guy from Wisconsin. They too will probably be moving back to the States soon. After she left, I sat in my room, watching my chilean soap opera that I watch each night, and I sorted through my things. Piles of things to give away, things to throw away, and things to take with me. The heart breaking part was going through my books. It was too much! I went through this two years ago when I left for Chile, getting rid of so many of my possessions. In some way, I know it's good because I don't want to be tied to my things. I want to be really truly free for the Lord to use me.
I walked to work this morning, or at least part of the way. And as I walked through these streets that I love, I cried. I'm no longer crying tears of desperation, but just sadness. I know that I walking where God wants me to. I prayed Proverbs 3:5-6 that God would make my path straight, and He has. And now I just walk. And I WANT to go to Israel and see what God has for me there. It has been a lifelong dream in fact. But just as I left Cal Poly filled with sadness and yet grateful that God had given me such an awesome experience to be sad about, I now give thanks to the Lord for this past year and a half.

Monday, February 12, 2007

His timing

So I asked God yesterday, " why did you wait so long to tell me to go to Israel?" Basically, "why now?" And here is what He told me (and no, not in an audible voice): That teh timing was wrong. I wasn't supposed to know until know. Not only did it take some major testing of my heart and some major heart breaking, but it was good that I didn't know in December. Both Ashlee and Danielle are coming out here and maybe they wouldn't have if they had known that I wasn't going to be here with them. But God doesn't make mistakes. God evidently has something planned for them here this next year without me. How exciting! How exciting for Ashlee and Danielle to know that God has a reason for them to be here. He could have told me earlier and I could have warned them, but He waited to tell me. I know this may all seem like too much. Like I am trusting too much that God is in control, but it's not possible to trust Him too much. He has really been the One directing this whole thing. Ashlee asked me why I didn't want to wait a year before going. And my first response was the human one. I started to tell her that I didn't know if I would have this chance next year, etc. But really, that is not the reason. The reason I am going this year and not next year is because God called me this year. He has placed so much assurance in my heart that I am supposed to go. It's crazy. I am still so nervous about raising money, about what the next 3 months will look like, but I KNOW that I am walking in the straight path that God made in my life. I prayed so earnestly Proverbs 3:5-6.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
So there you go, He has answered my prayer, and He has shown me that He will use this to bless others, like Ashlee and Danielle.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Something New

I'm not sure how to best start this blog. So I will just say what I need to say and let you work it out as you wish. I have made some pretty big life decisions this last week. Starting with: I am leaving Chile. I am not sure if this is permanent or just a short leave, but on March 8th (more or less) I am leaving Santiago Chile for an extended period of time.
Why? Well, I am going to Israel. I still need to apply to the program, but I am fairly sure I will be joining a handful of other young Jewish Christians in a program with Jews For Jesus that will involve two months in Israel and a few weeks in India. I will give more details when I have them, but for now if you'd like to know more the website is:
This decision also led to another: to return home to California early to work and save some money. I am still paying off my college loans and credit card and I would like to get rid of those as soon as possible. When I come back from Israel/India, I won't be returning right back to Chile. I will take a few months to continue working, trying to undebt myself. During those months I will be praying about where to go and what to do. Please, please pray for me and these decisions I have been and will be making.
This has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life, I have cried everyday. But these are good tears (in fact, I am crying now as I type). Yes, they are tears of desperation, but I am finally surrendering myself and my future to God. God has been teaching me so much about what it means to truly trust Him, and I pray that I am faithful to my Savior.
Please pray for me.
Please pray for my time here in Chile. I still need to finish the library project and there is plenty of work left to do.
Please pray for my time with Ashlee and Danielle, the few weeks I will have with them after they arrive (around the 18th and 20th of Feb).
Please pray that God would provide an awesome Christian girl to live in the apartment in my place.
Please pray that God would work out my trip back home and provide housing and a job for my short time there.
Please pray for my support raising that I will be doing when I get back to California.
Please pray for my time with my family that I would take advantage of every moment.
Please pray that I would continue to submit myself to the Lord and that He would guide me and protect me through every step of the way.
And most importantly
Please PRAISE THE LORD for the amazing things He has done and will do in this situation.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment, or email me at

Thank you for reading my blog. I don't even know who does, but I know that God has blessed me beyond measure with people who love me and pray for me. And I am so grateful.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Ode to my Rachie

Dear Rachie,

It's your birthday today, and I know how much you love poetry, and you know how much I suck at poetry, but here goes my try at a poem for you. Happy Birthday.

Sister of my spirit,
Only three years have passed since we began
this friendship of laughter and tears
We share Charlie and Toz, Don and Shane,
Anne and Brian, I love it when you read to me,
Our bathsuit dance parties in the hall,
And ballet in the kitchen, who else would do that?
Bagels and Lattes, the New Yorker,
and dancing to the fruit fly song in your room,
Sweeter times are few and far between.
You have heard me laugh.
Our friendship is more than mere laughter.

Good times are not the glue between us
For we have held each others tears,
(Poor Dan, he got involved too!)
And Hotel Rwanda should not be watched alone.
I cried for years, soaking your shoulder with my heartbreak,
And you listened so gently, letting me heal.
I wasn't always a good friend,
Our friendship wasn't perfect, it never is,
You didn't tell me what was going on,
and I talked about you behind your back,
More tears were shed, and reconciliation found.
When you in turn needed my shoulder, I was ready.
You have seen me cry.
Our friendship is stronger than tears.

More than mere laughter
And stronger than tears,
Our friendship holds the Promise of Everlasting.
We are Daughters of the same King,
We have both been so undeservingly adopted into His arms
And He has used us to teach each other,
to exhort each other, to hold each other,
But most importantly to Love each other.
I love you, sister of my spirit.

Alright Rachie, there is my attempt at poetry, it sure turned out CORNY! But to tell you the truth, I cried the whole time I typed it. You have been a huge blessing in my life, I am so grateful for our friendship and I know that distance means nothing to us. Whether we are in different parts of the world, or different stages of life (like when I meet that dark haired big nosed guy!) we will always be sisters. And for that I am forever grateful.

Dios te bendiga mi amiga, eres preciosa a mi y siempre doy gracias a Dios por tu amistad.

Tu hermana,


Tuesday, February 06, 2007

One more thing...

I know, three blogs in one day! but I thought I would share a fun fact with ya'll: I am not the only gringa in Chile. This morning on the national news station here in Chile, they reported that Pamela Anderson, the one and only way too big boobed woman, has bought a house here. They showed a video of her getting off a boat and greeting the chilean crowds(I'm pretty sure she actually flew into Chile, but boats look nicer). She was wearing a little black leather dress that more than reminded us of her assets. Hmm... she is giving us gringas such a great name, really, maybe I should call her up and take her to starbucks for a little talk about what is appropriate behavior and apparel here in Chile.


I know you are waiting for pictures, and I will put them up as soon as I get my camera back from my friend. I left it at her place in December and I haven't been able to get it back yet. But as soon as I do, pictures are on their way.


As some of you know, I tend to be fairly social. (Is that an understatement?) But because I am so social I also tend to have to compartimentalize my friends. I have friends from church, from work, from California, from childhood. Friends that I go to coffee with, friends that I go out to the bars with, friends that I see in church. I think you get the point. We all do this to some extent and I try, really try, to mix my friends. But every once in a while, I have a friend that no one really knows about. Not that I am trying to hide them, or I am embarrassed of my friendship with them, but just that no one knows them, and really knows of them. Alex is one of those. I met Alex 6 months ago at the Christian bookstore, he works there, in the Theology section. He is a student at the Baptist seminary here in Santiago and we hit it off right away. We compared not just theologians, but the different Christian publishing companies here in Latin America and which ones offer better translations, something only complete nerds would find interesting. The Christian bookstore is next to the office of a student of mine, so every week after class I would head over to browse the theology books and talk to my new buddy. Then I started bumping into Alex outside of theology. I saw him on the Metro, and on the street. And last night as I was on my jog around my new neighborhood, I ran, literally, into him again. It turns out that he lives in the on-campus apartments of the Baptist seminary, which is one block from my new apartment. I think it is time for him to come over for onces (tea time), and maybe, just a little maybe, he won't have to be quite so compartimentalized.

Rachel, Kallie, Ashlee, Danielle, and Chubs- do NOT read more into this blog than I wrote, I am not writing in morse code here. :)

Friday, February 02, 2007

Welcome to my new apartment

Last night was my first night in the new apartment. I wasn't sure if I would sleep there or not since all my things wouldn't be moved in until sunday but... I was having lunch with two friends Sam and Ricky. We decided to try out the gyro place that is right around the corner from my new place. After lunch, we went back to the apartment and ended up sitting around discussing various threads of social theology. We realized it was getting late, so we left my new apartment and went to my old apartment. Hard core, I know. While we were there, two more friends called. Timo and Pablo wanted to know if we wanted to watch a movie. (I think they probably just wanted to hang out with Sam and Ricky, you know, a guys night, but I got to be the token female.) So we all went back to my new apartment and settled ourselves in front of a chicken and french fries dinner, complete with a Piscola (like a rum and coke). Que Chileno! Unfortunatly, the DVD player had some problems so we just watched some TV. At the end of the night, the boys left me to stay in my apartment all alone. I watched a little more chilean TV and went to bed. The house is very comfortable. It isn't obstrusive or haunting in any way. Just comfortable.