Monday, March 23, 2009

Adam's mini poodle

This post is dedicated to Sam Perez who made the joke about New Yorkers asking to get their dogs baptized.

This morning in staff devotions, we got on the topic of lonliness. It seems that a lot of people, especially singles, here in New York are struggling with lonliness and we were discussing the reasons behind it (the lack of family structures, the uncertainty of the times, etc.). And then someone brought up Genesis 2 where God says that it isn't good for man to be alone. Then God does an odd thing, He makes all these animals and has Adam go through them all and name them. You gotta imagine what a huge task this must have been. And at the end of it we read, "but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him" So Adam is still alone. Even with all these animals, he is still alone, still lonely. The only suitable companion for Adam was one of his own, Eve.

Now flash forward a few (give or take) thousands of years to 2009, Manhattan. It is still not good for people to be alone. People still feel alone, still feel lonely. And what do they do, instead of looking for one of their own, they get dogs! New Yorkers are all about their dogs. And really, it makes sense. You see, other people are messy and not just in their living habits, but relationships are messy! You have to deal with your own crap and their crap and then the crap you make together. It is time consuming, heart wrenching, and emotionally draining. And really, are relationships a mess worth making? (see this book as a great response!)

So people get dogs. Dogs are known for their faithfulness. They love you just for coming home, nothing more is expected of you. You feed them, take them on a walk, show them a little affection. They never bring up their past girlfriends, or argue about who is going to make dinner. They are EASY. But before you go out and get one of these lovable pets, just remember, God made Eve to be Adam's companion, his helpmate. Not the mini poodle.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

a few words on nothingness

There is much to be said, and few words that meet the challenge.
Not really. I don't have much to say about the last week. I spent a few days in Philly and got to see my buddies at Westminster and New Life. It was wonderful. The 11 hour class on Saturday was good, long but good. Dan McCartney is one of the dearest professors ever. He is this older Southern kind of man. The kind I would love to have as a grandpa. A sweet man who really loves the Word of God and whose dry humor and endearing humilty make the 11 hour class more easy to digest.
Besides that, I'm just preparing for leading the Jews for Jesus bible study. I'll be teaching on Mark 3:20-4:12 over the next few weeks. If anyone has any insight on these passages that they want to share, I'd greatly appreciate the help.
I'm almost done with my thesis which is really exciting. I have a few more pages and then a wrap up at the end. I met with the Writing Center advisor at Westminster and was encouraged by her comments. I'm almost done. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And at the end of the tunnel is real "grown up" life. No rush to get there.
I have a few posts on the way. Some thoughts that I have been working through but I want to have a little more progress before I write them for the public.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

a photo for the day

Here is a photo of John and I at shake shack. Thanks to Diana for getting the old school Cornerstone crew together for dinner. :)

a heart update

I had a conversation with a friend (you know who you are) a few weeks ago. We were discussing boy (for what other topic could two young women ever deal with?) and she asked if I had prayed for a husband. If I wanted one, I should be praying for one. I used to pray for my husband a lot. Not so much that God would bring me one, but I prayed with the assumption that He would. So my prayers were for this man, whoever he was, that his day would be blessed, that his relationships would be healthy, that his heart would be protected and guarded. I prayed for him quite often. But a few years ago I stopped. I think my heart got too wrapped up in various situations and praying for him as some future unknown man became complicated. So last week I decided to try it. I was going to pray that God would bring me a husband. I was lying in bed, and I began to pray. And then I stopped. Midprayer. I couldn't finish the prayer. I couldn't bring myself to pray for a husband. Maybe I've become cynical, maybe I've become comfortable alone, or maybe I'm just confused. I think I want to be married someday. I think if I met the guy, I would want it. But for now, the idea of meeting someone, of falling in love, of wanting to spend my life with someone is unfathomable. Where have all the coyboys gone?
I will say this: I finished that night with a prayer that no matter my relationship status, the Lord would make my heart an unselfish one, a generous one, a serving one. I fear growing too accustomed to serving myself and I know that the longer I live alone and the longer I am in charge of my life, the more I get in the habit of putting myself first. That is so not what I desire. I desire to be vulnerable, open, serving, feminine. And so I prayed for the chance to love, to put someone else before myself, to be uncomfortable for the sake of others' comfort. May the Lord be glorified in my singleness and some day, should He desire, my marriage.

Esta Vez

This is a poem I wrote a few days ago. It's probably weirder and quirkier than I had meant it to be. English, Spanish, about love, about life. But then again, I wrote it, so did I expect anything less than quirky?

Esta vez, I won’t forget to breathe
Esta vez, I will look directly into that sun that shines
Esta vez, I will take it all in
Esta vez, I will live

Esta vez, Recordare
Esta vez, Tomare mi tiempo, cada paso
Esta vez, no voy perder ningun momento
Esta vez, estare

Esta vez, Dios, no te doy culpa
Esta vez, caminare en tus pasos
Esta vez, no me precupare
Esta vez, confiare en ti

Oh Dios, Padre Todopoderoso,
Dame tu paz, tu tranquilidad
Que tu alegria llene mi corazon
Que todo mi vida sea tuya

Como puedo decir todas las cosas que pesan tanto
Pesan en mi corazon como las rocas que ningun hombre puede mudar
Son gritos en el silencio de universo
Nadie los saben, nadie mas que Tu

Thursday, March 05, 2009

with the flu... and thinking of Ashlee

Some things happen when I'm sick.

first, I rest. Usually when I get sick, it's because I've worked myself too hard and my body is making me rest. And I enjoy the break from my crazy life. I sleep, watch tv, read all those "fun" books that I've put off for too long.

second, I lie in bed thinking, probably way too much, about life.

This flu is pushing day 8 now and I'm ready for it to end. There isn't much I'm missing right now, and if I'm honest, this was actually good timing since I have a fairly open schedule right now. And really, I should be working on my thesis, which I will start as soon as I finish this post. But I'm tired of feeling drained. I want my energy back. I want to be out of bed for more than an hour and not feel exhausted. I want to walk outside in the sunshine and deeply breathe in the crisp air. I want to feel like myself again!

So today's posting, flu posting at that, is dedicated to Ashlee.

I tried to use what little energy I had today to clean my room. I came upon some mix cds Ashlee made me for Christmas. What a treasure! These songs, ranging from Disney classics to our favorite Ciara dance mix, have made my day.

As I listened to the cds I thought about what an incredible friend Ashlee is and what a blessing she has been in my life. To have a friend who knows you and loves you, all your quirks, sins, faults, inside jokes, everything. And yet, one thought of her brings a smile to my face. Too many memories. Really funny ones, sad ones, and everywhere in between.
I was talking to Michelle this weekend about friendships and how as we change, our friendships change. Sometimes, as we grow and change, our friends from the past have a hard time dealing with it. They don't recognize us anymore. We aren't just older versions of past selves, we are changed, and they can't understand it. This can be heart breaking, to see a friend who meant the world to you ask you why you're acting so weird. And you know that you are just being yourself.
I have been so blessed to have a few friends who no matter what time passes, are there for the long haul. If I had to explain it, my best guess would be that the Lord is growing them and changing them in similar ways. So we still recognize each other. Changes aren't questioned, but rejoiced over.
Ashlee is one of these friends. We have been through so many life changing stages together, and with God being such a focal point of our friendship, it seems like there is little that surprises me about us. College, two different bible studies, Wildwood NJ, and of course Chile. And now, even when thousands of miles separate us, I feel like I saw her yesterday at Starbucks. Anyhow, this is to you Ashlee. Thanks for all your love and prayers. You are the truest sister.
ps- the photo is from our first trip to NYC... going old school!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Down with the Flu

For those of you regular readers who are wondering where I disappeared to, I am on day 7 of being sick with the flu. But I will return soon. I can't tell you how many posts I have thought through over these last few days as I've been stuck in bed pondering the hows and whys of life. I will post again soon. :)