So I asked God yesterday, " why did you wait so long to tell me to go to Israel?" Basically, "why now?" And here is what He told me (and no, not in an audible voice): That teh timing was wrong. I wasn't supposed to know until know. Not only did it take some major testing of my heart and some major heart breaking, but it was good that I didn't know in December. Both Ashlee and Danielle are coming out here and maybe they wouldn't have if they had known that I wasn't going to be here with them. But God doesn't make mistakes. God evidently has something planned for them here this next year without me. How exciting! How exciting for Ashlee and Danielle to know that God has a reason for them to be here. He could have told me earlier and I could have warned them, but He waited to tell me. I know this may all seem like too much. Like I am trusting too much that God is in control, but it's not possible to trust Him too much. He has really been the One directing this whole thing. Ashlee asked me why I didn't want to wait a year before going. And my first response was the human one. I started to tell her that I didn't know if I would have this chance next year, etc. But really, that is not the reason. The reason I am going this year and not next year is because God called me this year. He has placed so much assurance in my heart that I am supposed to go. It's crazy. I am still so nervous about raising money, about what the next 3 months will look like, but I KNOW that I am walking in the straight path that God made in my life. I prayed so earnestly Proverbs 3:5-6.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
So there you go, He has answered my prayer, and He has shown me that He will use this to bless others, like Ashlee and Danielle.