So I feel like I have finally started to move forward. I'm still not sure what I am going to do. But today I smiled, quite a bit actually. I got to have coffee with my friend Brooke, and we talked about everything. Yeah, conversation about the break up was involved, but really, the conversation dealt with so much more. About women in ministry, about seminary education, about postmodernity, about relationships in general. My friends now know why I smiled today. I love talking about these things.
I am slowly moving out of the cloud of sadness. I now face the unanswerable question of what to do with all my good memories with Jason, with the love I still feel in my heart toward him. His grandpa died this week and I wanted nothing more than to bake him brownies, hug him, and offer to drive him to the airport to go home. He has been my dear friend for so long, and now we can't have that. I think someday we'll be able to re-establish something of a friendship. But that doesn't help answer the question: what do I do now with the good? I have no mental boxes for the good memories that spring upon me. Nor do I have any categories for the love I still feel for him.
Alas, I continue on.
I'll post soon on plans for the next few months.... particularly, where I'll be headed.