Monday, June 08, 2009

what a word.

Love.

What a word. So basically nothing turns out like I think it will. It always turns out better for the Lord's will for my life is always infinitely better than my own. But this relationship with Jason has proven to me once again that I am not in control of life. There is so much trust that is required of us! But God has been good and faithful all my life thus far, and I know He walks with me now.

So Jason is back. As I figured, Saturday night when I picked him up from the train station, he was exhausted, I was tired and we didn't really get much more than a hug from each other. Yesterday, after many hours of sleep and some time just to unwind, we hung out. Jason joined me on a blanket on the field behind our apartments, and we sat in the shade, appreciating the fairly low humidity day. It was nice.

Love. To be honest, there is so much we will be working through these upcoming months, and its scary to me (and I think to him as well!) I am so confident that the Lord has brought us together to date. For this season, I know we are supposed to be together. But neither of us is sure that this is going to end in marriage. And that is hard. I don't deal well with uncertainty. I really don't like uncertainty! Especially when each day I feel myself falling more and more for him.

Love. So it's the little things that I am finding joy in. Like yesterday Jason mentioned that he loves bread made from scratch. So today when I was out with my friend Hannah, we stopped by a bread store and I got him a loaf of fresh made Multigrain bread. I'll give it to him when he gets home from work. (Jason, you better NOT read this!) And even just this little thing makes my day. Even in the stress and anxiety I feel in having to buy a car and find a job, I smile when I think of the time I will get to spend here with Jason. So there you go. Stay tuned.

Love. What a word.

2 comments:

Carleigh said...

Becka,

Speaking of LOVE - I want you to know how much I love you!! You are the most amazing person - with so much love in your heart :) Im so blessed to call you my close friend and I know what amazing things are store for your life. Love knows no bounds Becka. Im so happy you have shared your love with me and the others around you. I cant wait to see you soon! I love you muchooo!

Alison said...

Becka ... I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep on livin' and lovin', my friend :) Can't wait to see you!!