Thursday, April 30, 2009

looking back already

I have been learning a lot about myself in the context of dating Jason. Already, so many insecurites have popped their ugly heads up and I have seen fears that I never knew existed come into my mind taunting me. But I have also been happily surprised by many of my reactions to different issues. For example, I have realized that I am much less jealous than I had thought I would be.
And this week's lesson: I am not good at long distance. For all the hours I spent in high school talking on the phone with boys, I am no good at long distance relationships. Jason and I spend a good amount of time talking on the phone each night (it's a good thing we have Verizon in-minutes!) And we talk about everything from the mundane to the deep. I am SO blessed to have a guy who can handle, and maybe even enjoy, the mad stream of thoughts that go through my mind. So we are learning that we are very different in many ways, but we also seeing the benefits of being together, of balancing each other. So we got in a discussion a few nights ago that really didn't mean much, but I left the conversation really wishing that I could have ended that conversation with a hug. I need him to be here (or me to be there!) so I can see him, hug him, you know, all that cute corny new relationship stuff. I actually get sad when I think about it.
But I was praying about it today and God gave me a confidence that someday I will look back on this stage in our relationship, this stage of long distance, and I will be grateful for it. I will see the blessing of having a month apart, just to talk on the phone. Already in this time, my heart has changed so much toward Jason. I feel myself becoming more tender toward him each day, and each day I miss him a little more.
For those of you who know him, you can agree that I snatched probably one of the most eligible bachelors at Westminster. And really, I'm not sure that I could have asked for more. For all the little silly things we differ on, there is so much that we see eye to eye on. I still can't quite believe that we are together. It seems a little surreal. But the moment I start to think about the craziness of it all, I just remind myself, "It's just Jason, just with different ground rules". And its true. Our friendship has so easily transitioned into more. And our time spent talking each night is such a treasure to me. Even when we disagree. I know, no matter what happens, that this time is a blessing from the Lord.


Carleigh said...

whoaaa :) relationship talk! i love it. are you going to bring jason to the wedding??

Denise said...

When Ben and I started dating he was on a temporary assignment in Washington DC and was only able to be home on the weekends. It was hard at first....but be patient and in prayer! Praying for you!!