Thanks for coming back again and again even when I take a week to post anything. The previous post was quite dramatic and I have good news, things have calmed down a bit since then. No more emotional breakdown at work (at least I'm not the one having them!)
I've made it to Friday night and I actually found myself breathing a prayer of relief as I walked into my apartment after a long day at work. Thank you Lord for sustaining me this week.
I spend most of my time thinking that I am the one who sustains me. I think that I have so much energy and I can spend it on certain things. But this week was a testimony of the foolishness of such thoughts. I couldn't have gone through this week were not I sustained every moment by God's grace. This week was a fairly normal week at work- a hectic frenzy of joy and frustration all mixed in with whining and laughing.
But in addition to my normal teaching schedule, I have been blessed beyond measure to teach a 6 week course on biblical theology for women. Of course, this is at my church, not SEA. But the excitement in me that has arisen in sharing with my sisters the amazing tools I learned in seminary has actually brought me to tears. This is what I live for! So I began to work on the course (a wonderful mix of Carolyn Custis James, Graeme Goldsworthy, and Doug Green). It has given me a wonderful excuse to listen to some lectures by John Loftness and read Biblical Theology in the Life of the Church (thanks Howard!)
I knew that I was gonna get attacked this week. Have you ever noticed any time you are doing something for God how suddenly life turns sour. Things just go wrong and fall apart? WEll, I was expecting it and asked for prayer, and I felt the protection of God around me this week. I was able to have grace for people who hurt me when everything in me wanted to just sit in anger. I was able to be patient with kids that would normally evoke impatience in me. I was able to multi-task even more than normal this week. I felt the waves crashing around me and I didn't drown. All of that was God's grace on me. And I knew it. I watched before my eyes as the Lord sustained me.
One of the ways I felt the attacks this week was in nightmares. Literally in one of them satan was trying to kill me. I was filled with fear and trying to escape. He was crushing me at one point and in my dream it was making me need to throw up. I woke up gagging, grateful that there wasn't any real vomit to deal with. I woke up in the middle of the night a lot this week. Most of the nights I laid in bed trying to fall back asleep, and unable to for hours. It was so discouraging, but I also knew whose name to call upon in my fear. And I knew that it was Him sustaining me.
So tonight, Friday night, I am staying in and listening to some awesome lectures on Biblical Theology while I bake some cookies by candlelight. I won't call it a date with Jesus, but it's about as close as you get.