I've been struggling over the last few weeks with some big truths that have made themselves into my head but aren't settling in my heart. For example: Jesus is my joy. Yep, I believe this with my brain. I know this is true, but I don't feel it is true. I feel like I get a lot more joy from other things. I know I should get joy from knowing Jesus but really, when I am honest, I spend a good deal of time and energy trying to find sources of joy outside of Jesus. This isn't to say that we shouldn't ever find any joy in any place other than Jesus. But as I was explaining recently to a friend, I need to be very jealous of my relationship with God and if I see that something is distracting me from Him, or stealing my affection from Him, I need to "alejarme" (to move away from) that thing.
Or let's talk in terms of idols. No, not little wooden statues that people bow down to, but things both abstract and concrete that we put our hope or value in. Things that make or break us. Success, money, our homes, comfort, friends, husbands. Usually the things we make into idols aren't bad in and of themselves. It's what we do with them. Things like a good job, a good home, a loving family... these things are good! But when we take these good things and make them ultimate things, that's when the trouble starts.
I've been seeing this play out in the area of love. Of course I want to be loved and to love, to get married... but when I feel like I can't experience FULL joy now because I dont have that, I am making it an ultimate thing. When the truth is that I am fully loved now. I am not lacking anything. I know that in my head and now I am praying that God would make that truth real in my heart.