becka lippy

Tomorrow I am heading off to New York to spend my last few days of 2007 with some friends in Jews for Jesus. We will be doing some outreach, bible studies, and having tons of fun. Please pray for us during this week. I'm not sure exactly what type of evangelism we will be doing, but I know that anytime I have done ay evanglism with JFJ, crazy and amazing things have happened. I'll be back on the 1st since the real world doesn't seem to rest. Have a great New Years. You Chileans, please don't stay out past 7 or 8 am. :) And you "not-so-Chileans" stay out at least till 1am. It's New Years! See you all next year!!!

I realized last night that the moments that are most romantic to me, the ones where I feel my singleness more than ever, are the mundane activities of life. Like putting on my pjs and brushing my teeth. There was this moment last night when I looked up from brushing my teeth and caught a glimpse in the mirror. I was standing there in my pjs, face freshly washed, eyes tired and longing for the pillow. And I almost expected to see someone behind me. Not like the scary movies where you shut the medicine cabinet and see that dark figure in the mirror, but more of a comfortable, Alison Krauss music in the background, soft yellow lights type of figure in the mirror. I know I am a hopeless romantic, and life is much bigger than these daydreams. But in all honesty, is life really bigger than a compilation of the mundane? What could be more real in life than the reality of falling asleep each night next to the person you love? These are my hopeless romantic rantings.

Every year, kids write hundreds of letters to an old man with a white beard who allegedly lives in the North. And every year kids get thousands of presents with big red bows on them. I'm not a big present person. Well, I am. But not a holiday gift person. I melt over roses and cry when I get care packages filled with my favorite chilean candies (thanks Ash and Dani). But gifts that are given on holidays like Christmas and birthdays seem to be given more out of obligation than the heart. Chubs and I give each other gifts for those holidays, but always extremely late. Our Christmas presents are often in May, sometimes in June. But the presents are less about that holiday and more about the chance to give the other person that gift that you had worked on for a few weeks. I appreciate those friendships in my life that run deeper than gifts, indeed even deeper than time or distance. Today is the 6th day I have spent in solitary confinement and it has been good. I have really just relaxe

Once upon a time... there was a God who created a world and placed a special creation of His as His very representative over the rest of the creation. This representative was called "man". Man enjoyed a very unique and intimate relationship with God. Man knew who he was and who God was, and he enjoyed his relationships with God, other men, and all of creation. Everything was in it's right place. But things went wrong. Man choose to leave that right relationship with God. Sadly, man's relationship with woman and all of creation was dependent on his relationship with God. Man no longer lived in joy and peace, but in pain and frustration. He wanted so badly to get back to that place where he once was. With God. With other men. With creation. All of his life, he tried to get back to that place. The problem was that man couldn't restore the relationship, only God could. But God is a just God and knew that the only way to restore the relationship was the right way, the

So... this is what you get when I have been stuck in the house for way too long. So... yeah... I have a new camera- thanks mom.

I have never had the stomach flu before. Thursday night I started to feel sick. Really sick. I spent most of Thursday night throwing up. Since then it has been a vicious cycle of nausea, fever, and aching. The amazing thing about being sick these last few days is the absolute change in the way I am handling being sick. I know, it sounds pathetic, but I am the BIGGEST baby when I am sick. I cry over nothing and sit in a perpetual pity party. I am such a baby. My friends and roommates can attest to this. One time I burst out crying in youth group because I had a fever. My emotions actually feel uncontrollable when I am sick and I spend a good amount of time crying. But this time was different. I got sick, and as usual called my mom. Even when I was in Chile, if I got sick I called my mom. I just need her to know that I am sick, even if she can do nothing about it. So I called her Thursday, let her know. I didn't cry, didn't sit in a pity party. I was miserable, don't get me w

I am not an east coast girl. I have no clue how to deal with snow. Real snow, the kind that fall from the sky and makes your life so much more conplicated. And the thing is, I was not really thinking all this through when I signed up for this east coast seminary thing. So now I am just waiting in dread for the white mess to begin. I know it is not that big of a deal, and yet it is more stressful to me than anything else I have had to deal with here. I am just not mentally prepared for living here. I actually start to panic when I think about it. When I think about the fact that I am living out here on the east coast. It's okay, I am going to learn to appreciate this whole "seasons" thing. We don't have them in California. I mean, sure it gets a little colder in December and in March it rains a little more than usual. And in the summer it warms up to 75 in wonderful San Francisco. But honestly, it is almost always a day when you wear at shirt and a sweatshirt. That way

When I was 12 I met a girl named Annalisa. She was tall, skinny, with long blonde hair, and one of the most innocent girls I had ever met. I was coming out of a harsh context where I had learned to wear harsh eyeliner and a thick shell of emotional protection from the cruelty around me. I started at this new school and when I met Annalisa, I thought I was too much for her. Too mature, too cool, too "bad" for her. After a year in my new school, I began to realize that all that I was before was a facade. And I found refuge in my friendship with Annalisa. We found laughter and joy in our time together and discovered that we worked well together. We went into high school together and ran for class president and secretary. We ran that class. Man oh man, we had more parties, more BBQ's, and more fundraisers than any other class in the history of that school. We were on fire. We came up with the name "chubs" for each other. It came from the idea of "chubbing out&q

So what does an absolute nerd think of before she goes to bed? I have always read before going to sleep. When I was yougner the books were usually short novels. I liked ones based around the Holocaust where a young heroine fights for survival. I felt somehow close to them, I understood them. The other books I read were Loraine McDaniel books. All teenage love stories about cancer ridden girls. Sick, I know. But I loved those books and I would imagine that someday I would get cancer, go to the camp that all the cancer kids get to go to, and meet my prince charming. And we would battle our cancer together. Anyways, I have noticed a definte change in my reading material. I still read every night before I go to sleep, but now I read theology. I don't even mean Christian living, I mean actual academic theology. Like last night I was reading on Radical Orthodoxy and it's interactions with Reformed THeology. And as I turned off the light to go to sleep, the thoughts in my head were wa

I know its been a while since I wrote here. I have thought a lot about this blog. I'm sure no one even reads it (except Sam and Rachel) and really, should anyone read these thoughts? This blog has become so confession for me. I have found myself time and time again turning to this medium for my therapy, working out the craziness that I find in my heart. It used to be a way of telling my family and friends about my time in South America. I had all my connections in one central area and I knew that through the blog I could inform those I loved of my wellbeing. But now my connections are more arbitrary. I don't have any centrality in my life. I am geographically in Philadelphia. I am mentally in California (James would argue that I never mentally left California!) I am academically in Jerusalem, Geneva, and Scotland. And my heart, my heart still resides in Chile. I still cry sometimes over mi pais. Not as much as I used to. But when I am honest with my situation, and I allow mysel

I want to share this song that we sing at my church. Really moving words that seemed to speak more clearly today to me than ever before. When I walk through the fire, Lies aflame tempt my weary heart, Oh my soul Where is there peace to be found? Where can my feet find their ground? When I'm swept through the storm, wind and rain hound me all my days, Oh my Lord! Cause me to rest in your arms, save me from fear and from harm Oh Lord, There is not rock of refuge, No port of anchorage, Nothing to keep the seas at bay, Nothing to to hold me Nothing can save me But you, 'cause all my fountains are in you With this blood on my hands, Acusations have found their proof, O my soul! Fruit of my heart is but death, I've sown it so deep in my breast Where can healing exist? For such a cold sinstained wretch as this, Oh my Lord! Cause me to run to you tree, Open my eyes that I see You, O Lord... There is no rock of refuge, No port of anchorage, Nothing to keep the seas at bay, Nothing t

Through all the jokes about "hear to flippy" and "heart off, lippy", the truth is this blog is supposed to be some type of reflection of my heart. Maybe that is a lofty goal for an internet blog. Or maybe its just unwise. :) I think I have tried to be honest in my attempts to share with you my life. In that honesty, I find myself writing through various seasons of life. I just want to give warning: this season is one of rawness. My entries are real, not carefully crafted to hide the reality of my situation. I have felt a deep brokeness this last week and yet a deeper peace in that brokeness, knowing that my God has all things in His control. Thank you for bearing with me. I hope somehow these entries offer hope to others. That you can see the real work that God does in the hearts of the people who follow Him. PS- the blog name jokes, you know who you are! ;)

Wow, the week has flown!!! It has been filled with tons and tons of homework. Lots of other work, and of course some really good conversations. This week was interesting. I found myself missing my life more than ever. I got a notice in my school mailbox telling me the radio stations to listen to for snow days. Umm.. yeah.. snow days? And it really began to hit me this week that I LIVE here. Even as I type these words I feel my whole body getting tense. The only time I remember feeling this tense was when I was working too many hours with 22 credits in school. I feel the panic of the unknown, the fear. My dad had given me warning that if I needed time to adjust before coming out here for seminary, I should. But I thought I was fine. I have never been one to allow myself time to adjust. But I am seeing that maybe I am not as flexible and invincible as I thought I was. I have these moments when I feel deep fear. I have no clue how to handle the fact that I live here. Here in Philadelphia.

In Doctrine of Church today, Stan Gale spoke about spiritual warfare and I was really grateful for the lecture. This week has been somewhat intense. Nothing big in particular, but may little things breaking my heart. I had a dream last night about someone from my past that I am having a hard tiem forgiving (and no, they don't read this blog). In my dream I was crying uncontrollably and at various times I would see myself in the mirror and not have any sign of my crying. My eyes were normal, not puffy. When I woke up though, I had really been crying. This week has been hard on my heart. But in class Gale talked about how the crisises in our lives are there sometimes to show us where we are not okay. Where we are not walking in the full promises of the Lord. I have seen this week so much about myself, where my heart is, where my mouth is, and I am sick at the thought of my actions and thoughts this week. I know the Lord is gracious, and I am choosing to beleive that even though I m

Why are hearts so complicated? I feel like I spend so much time dealing with my heart and the hearts of my sisters. Between the bliss of deep love and the utter pain of heart break there is a whole range of emotions. I don't think I have ever felt either of the extremes but I'm always somewhere in the middle. Feelings of hope in a new crush or realizations that old crushes need to die. Hearts are so complicated. Being here at seminary with all these married couples is really cool and yet really challenging to figure out what it means to be single in this married world. In any case, I eventually come back to the same thought: I need the Lord to direct my heart. I know it sounds cliche, but it is unavoidably true. I tend to make messes with my heart, always forgetting that the maker of my heart wants me to be wholly and fully dedicated to Him before any other god, I mean man. Sorry, slip of the tongue. God bless!

Today was one of those days when you know the Lord is teaching you what He has been doing in your life. Last night I left my wallet at the inner city campus. This morning when I couldn't find it and I knew there was a good chance that it was gone forever, I wanted to freak out. The inner city campus is a 30 minute drive. As I made my way down there, I praying. I was praying that I would have the right response to the situation. That I would live as one who had been redeemed, living out that realtity in this situation. And the Lord spoke to my heart. He reminded me of those very truths that I have been "hiding in my heart", His plan for redemption which He has played out throughout all history. And this is the story He has called me to be a part of, not just in an eternal salvific manner, but in my every moment in this life. I was thinking on all these things, listening to some gospel music ("He brought me through tribulation... for I know that I am blessed and highly

My friend Sam posted a blog about a song by Foolish Things. I listened to the song on repeat for about 30 minutes and was touched by the sincerity of the lyrics: Forgive me Forgive me when my prayers have come to you, Grosser than the things confessed, Reeking with emptiness. Forgive me when religion’s been my god, And all that I do, that denies you are there, But you’re there. Did I forget you were listening? Could I deceive the one that’s given me my heart? Forgive when I’ve come to pray to you, Just to get it done, before I run, away from you. Forgive when I’ve merely said the words, And severed devotion from all of my emotions. Did I forget you were listening? Could I deceive the one that’s given me my heart? Did I forget you were listening? Could I deceive the one that’s given me my heart? It took your blood to bring me to the place, Where I could meet you face to face, So let me claim the promise true, And bring myself to talk to you Did I forget you were listening? Could I dece

So I have always had a place in my heart (right next to Jesus of course) for the Christian literature that fills the bookshelves of Christian bookstores in our Christian country. Okay, that was a little sarcastic. But really, I have enjoyed many Christian Living books over my years and particularly found mysef drawn to the "relationship" ones. Since I have been traveling so much recently, I haven't had the chance to read any recently. A girlfriend of mine loaned me one of these books that week and last night I started reading it. I realized within the first few pages that I would not be able to read this book as I had in the past. That my understanding of Christian living as a whole has changed. I now cringe at straight line bible applications. For example, the story of Ruth is not meant to be a prescriptive account of how young Christian women should pursue older Christian men. It is a descriptive account of God playing out His redemptive story in the lives of His people

Once again, a post about the wonderful life of seminary students. I have been spending some quality time in the library. And I have noticed that my fellow students have each found their "spot". The entrance to the library is on the third floor which has a general study area with big long tables and tall windows facing the parking lot. From there you can go up to the top floor, the Biblical theology department. There is limited seating, but a great room where groups can meet to work together. If you go down two floors to the second floor there is even less seating area but the wonderful Practical Theology Department resides there. And finally the bottom floor where we find the Hebrew Institure, the computer lab, and a bunch of study stations. It is there on the bottom floor, amoung the study stations that I plant myself everyday. I ususally sit in the second station, close to the door so I can see who walks into the room (to feed my social hunger), but also close to the water

My struggle to keep my devotion to God from dying from over theo-contextu-systematizing has weighed heavily on my mind. I read Brian Kay's blog. He shared an interview he had with John Stott, who during the interview quoted Bishop Moule. The pearl of wisdom for the day: "we must be aware equally of an undevotional theology and of an untheological devotion" (check out the whole interview) What glorious advice! Seminary students beware. We are being given the theological tools to lead our brothers and sisters in devotion, but we must tread carefully this ground, lest we fall into dead theology.

This blog is dedicated to my new friend Michelle who inspires me with her passion for the Lord. She and I found each other on the porch of Machen Hall and cannot seem to get rid of each other. Sometimes I think the curse of "right doctrine" is that I get more concerned about knowing than doing. That I care more about knowing that the first answer to the Westminster Catechism is : "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever" and I forget to actually just DO that. Michelle is one of those women whose passion for the Lord leads her to sing, literally sing praises to God for all those little blessings in life that I overlook. The more I hang out with Michelle the more I find myself stopping in the middle of the day and taking that moment to thank God for being so good. Michelle, thank you for your prayers, thank you for your example as a godly woman. God bless you girl!

Today in Survey of Reformed Theology we discussed Revelation, which led to the topic that all non-reformed folk love to take up with reformed folk: predestination. And the question was raised, If election is true, why share the gospel? If God has already chosen the ones who will come to him, then why go out and witness to people? These questions break my heart. If the doctrine of election leads us to laziness and apathy toward those who don't follow Christ, then our understanding of the gospel is off. You see, the gospel COMPELS believers to share it. By definition it is the "Good News". It is a joy to share, not a chore. It is life-giving, not just time-consuming. Our understanding of the gospel (which by the way we should preach to ourselves everyday) should stir within us a passion for the Lord. This passion calls us to walk a life worthy of the calling and to share this glorious news. It's all a matter of perspective. Do we obey because we have this overbearing al

I quit my job. I didn't even really get through the training period. But I had realized that the job was killing my school life. That I was spending all my energy on the job and was left with very little to give to my school work. So I quit last weekend and spent last week on campus. What a treat. My gosh, it was so cool to walk around campus and sit in the library. To talk to people who are studying the same things I am. To sit in on a class that I am not registered for, just to learn. To read the great books that have been sitting in my bookshelf for weeks begging to be read. And it was this last week and that I realized once again just how much I am such a nerd. One of the things I am most nerdy about is Biblical Theology. It is a way of approaching the Bible that views the Bible as a historical redemptive narrative of God and His people. I spent most the weekend working on some papers dealing with this approach. It was heaven. The point of Biblical theology is to lead you direc

I went to church today. It's sunday, so that's not abnormal, but today was different. You see I love church, I spend my whole week waiting for sunday to come and for my chance to go into the church building, see those faces I love, sing songs that lift my spirit, and be a part of that larger theoretical Body of Christ in its very real form. I love sundays. I love the sleeping in on Sundays. I love the slowness of Sundays. I love the whole idea of Sundays. The last few months have been different though. Traveling through Israel and India made my Sunday traditions dissapear (especially in Israel which starts it week on Sunday the way we start on Monday) and although I have visited a few churches, I have not felt that sunday feeling. Today I felt it. I visited a church today, a church plant of Redeemer in NY. And it was amazing. The liturgy was just right. Traditional yet personal. The music was beautiful, hymns with a jazz twist. And the sermon, oh the sermon was so good. Biblica

Okay okay okay. I'm back. It's been a long time and actually I will be shocked if anyone still checks this blog anymore. But in anycase, here I am. Hineni. It has been quite a long trip. I will try to give an overview and update on what is going on now. Israel: We arrived in Israel on the 28th and the next day i celebrated my 24th birthday. I spent the day walking around Tel Aviv, finding an ADORABLE artesian street market. I bought some fresh fruit from the shook (hebrew for market) and just enjoyed the special day. It was actually probably one of my favorite birthdays, alone with the Lord in a beautiful location. Good stuff. Our time in Israel was divided up between classes, fieldtrips all over Israel, and of course evangelism. Classes: We too classes twice a day for 2-3 hours each class. Our hebrew classes were interesting but I have to admit that I didn't learn as much as I had hoped to. But I made the goal that I wanted to read and write in the modern hebrew handwritin

Hello everyone! I'm sorry this blog has been so poorly updated recently, but with moving back here I have such little time on my hands. For those of you who read this blog often, please check back every now and then. I will try to start up again at some point but it probably won't be for another few weeks. Thanks so much for all your support!

This post will need to be extremely short and I apologize for that, but it is about 5am to me and I haven't seemed to really have a night of sleep for 3 days now. But i am back In california and I am sad, yet feeling so blessed. Every step I ahve taken since I left Chile has been one of faith, and yet teh Lord has filled my heart with peace and joy and everytime I have started to cry, I feel the Lord sit with me patiently as I grieve before He moves me forward again. Thank you for your prayers. I promise to write more prontito!

I apologize for not blogging for over a week. And to be honest, this blog will not offer much. Since the change of plans, life has been more than I can handle, and through it God has been forcing me to trust Him. To trust Him that I will finish my work, that I will not get sick from working 10-12 hours a day, that we will find a person to take my place in the apartment, that we will find a job for Danielle, that He will provide grace in the hearts of my friends here to forgive me, that He kindly remind me everytime I start to freak out that He is more than sufficient and that I am only called to act in the faith He has given me. So it has been an intense few weeks, but God is good. He has brought both Ashlee and Danielle safely here. He has provided a ton of help at my job so that I can leave early. And most recently, He provided a new roommate for our apartment. Her name is Marissa and she is from Chico California. She is here working (she was here for a year study program a few years

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,my glory, and the lifter of my head. 4 I cried aloud to the Lord,and he answered me from his holy hill -Ps. 3:3 This verse was given to me this morning by Rachie. And He has lifted my head today. I have been nervous about raising support for Israel. But He has given me more and more peace each day, promising that He will provide. I have been looking through the internet trying to find something, anything to advise me on this process, to encourage me. And this morning in the pile of books that I classified there was a book called Friend Raising. And it is EXACTLY what I need to read. And then, the blessings continued. A friend of mine down here, himself a missionary, came into the office and handed me a check. My first support check! I couldn't believe that the Lord would be so good to me to bless me immensly twice in just a few hours! Prasie The Lord, the lifter of my head!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. I was listening to a talk by Amy Lockman (on staff at Mars Hill Church) and she shared this verse. And wow, Lord please burn this verse on my heart. That I may view You as the God of Hope, that you may fill me with all joy and peace in believing in You and Your promises, and that by Your power Holy Spirit I may abound in all hope!!!

Happy Valentines Day. Usually I spend the month before this day, trying to figure out a way to secure a date, and it NEVER happens. And then I usually console myself by having my girlfriends be my valentine. But deep down I always feel depressed that another year passed without finding that special someone. Well, a few weeks ago God did some crazy things in my heart and showed me how I wasn't trusting Him. And after many tears and some long conversations with Rachie, I finally surrendered my heart to Him. I literally felt like I took my heart and placed it in His hands and said, "do with it as You please, for it is Yours". And since then I have felt so fine, more than fine, I have felt really content with where God has me, a single girl. Don't get me wrong, I still desire to get married someday, but really for right now, God has my heart and that is all that matters. And today is the big test. Can I go through Valentines Day without grabbing my heart back from the Lor

I bought my ticket yesterday. I will leave Santiago at 7:30am and arrive in San Francisco at 11:30pm. There was minor drama involved with the buying of the ticket. I had done a ton of research (I always feel like Ashlee's dad when I do that, he's known for his awesome internet research skills!) and found that the two airlines known for flying in and out of Chile, were offering my ticket for $2500! ONE WAY!!! But thank You Lord, I found another airline that offered the ticket for only $800. But then it turned out that they don't accept credit cards online. So I found a reservation office and ran on over. As I walked away with my ticket (well, an e-ticket) in my hand, it really started to hit me: I'm leaving Chile. I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I walked home. I made dinner for my friend Veronica (curry, YUM!) and we sat in my apartment for a few hours talking about our futures. She is Chilena but married to a guy from Wisconsin. They too will probably be moving b

So I asked God yesterday, " why did you wait so long to tell me to go to Israel?" Basically, "why now?" And here is what He told me (and no, not in an audible voice): That teh timing was wrong. I wasn't supposed to know until know. Not only did it take some major testing of my heart and some major heart breaking, but it was good that I didn't know in December. Both Ashlee and Danielle are coming out here and maybe they wouldn't have if they had known that I wasn't going to be here with them. But God doesn't make mistakes. God evidently has something planned for them here this next year without me. How exciting! How exciting for Ashlee and Danielle to know that God has a reason for them to be here. He could have told me earlier and I could have warned them, but He waited to tell me. I know this may all seem like too much. Like I am trusting too much that God is in control, but it's not possible to trust Him too much. He has really been the One

I'm not sure how to best start this blog. So I will just say what I need to say and let you work it out as you wish. I have made some pretty big life decisions this last week. Starting with: I am leaving Chile. I am not sure if this is permanent or just a short leave, but on March 8th (more or less) I am leaving Santiago Chile for an extended period of time. Why? Well, I am going to Israel. I still need to apply to the program, but I am fairly sure I will be joining a handful of other young Jewish Christians in a program with Jews For Jesus that will involve two months in Israel and a few weeks in India. I will give more details when I have them, but for now if you'd like to know more the website is: http://www.jewsforjesus.org/join/massah_israel . This decision also led to another: to return home to California early to work and save some money. I am still paying off my college loans and credit card and I would like to get rid of those as soon as possible. When I come back from

Dear Rachie, It's your birthday today, and I know how much you love poetry, and you know how much I suck at poetry, but here goes my try at a poem for you. Happy Birthday. Sister of my spirit, Only three years have passed since we began this friendship of laughter and tears We share Charlie and Toz, Don and Shane, Anne and Brian, I love it when you read to me, Our bathsuit dance parties in the hall, And ballet in the kitchen, who else would do that? Bagels and Lattes, the New Yorker, and dancing to the fruit fly song in your room, Sweeter times are few and far between. You have heard me laugh. Our friendship is more than mere laughter. Good times are not the glue between us For we have held each others tears, (Poor Dan, he got involved too!) And Hotel Rwanda should not be watched alone. I cried for years, soaking your shoulder with my heartbreak, And you listened so gently, letting me heal. I wasn't always a good friend, Our friendship wasn't perfect, it never is, You didn&

I know, three blogs in one day! but I thought I would share a fun fact with ya'll: I am not the only gringa in Chile. This morning on the national news station here in Chile, they reported that Pamela Anderson, the one and only way too big boobed woman, has bought a house here. They showed a video of her getting off a boat and greeting the chilean crowds(I'm pretty sure she actually flew into Chile, but boats look nicer). She was wearing a little black leather dress that more than reminded us of her assets. Hmm... she is giving us gringas such a great name, really, maybe I should call her up and take her to starbucks for a little talk about what is appropriate behavior and apparel here in Chile.

I know you are waiting for pictures, and I will put them up as soon as I get my camera back from my friend. I left it at her place in December and I haven't been able to get it back yet. But as soon as I do, pictures are on their way.

As some of you know, I tend to be fairly social. (Is that an understatement?) But because I am so social I also tend to have to compartimentalize my friends. I have friends from church, from work, from California, from childhood. Friends that I go to coffee with, friends that I go out to the bars with, friends that I see in church. I think you get the point. We all do this to some extent and I try, really try, to mix my friends. But every once in a while, I have a friend that no one really knows about. Not that I am trying to hide them, or I am embarrassed of my friendship with them, but just that no one knows them, and really knows of them. Alex is one of those. I met Alex 6 months ago at the Christian bookstore, he works there, in the Theology section. He is a student at the Baptist seminary here in Santiago and we hit it off right away. We compared not just theologians, but the different Christian publishing companies here in Latin America and which ones offer better translations, s

Last night was my first night in the new apartment. I wasn't sure if I would sleep there or not since all my things wouldn't be moved in until sunday but... I was having lunch with two friends Sam and Ricky. We decided to try out the gyro place that is right around the corner from my new place. After lunch, we went back to the apartment and ended up sitting around discussing various threads of social theology. We realized it was getting late, so we left my new apartment and went to my old apartment. Hard core, I know. While we were there, two more friends called. Timo and Pablo wanted to know if we wanted to watch a movie. (I think they probably just wanted to hang out with Sam and Ricky, you know, a guys night, but I got to be the token female.) So we all went back to my new apartment and settled ourselves in front of a chicken and french fries dinner, complete with a Piscola (like a rum and coke). Que Chileno! Unfortunatly, the DVD player had some problems so we just watched

So today has been one of those days. One of those days when your journal is never close enough and all you want to do is curl up on your couch and stare at the wall, contemplating the thousands of mixed feelings running through your head. It is in these moments that I see God really working in my heart, teaching me to listen to Him, molding me into His image, letting me feel the helplessness and complete lostness that I am without Him. I have counseled girls for years on emotional integrity and trusting God with your heart. I boldly proclaimed that I trusted Him, that I had given Him my heart. But I didn't and I hadn't. Not completely at least. It's interesting that I wouldn't have known this about myself if I hadn't experienced the pain God let me walk through this last year. And now I am left with the question: will I put my trust in my Lord? Will I really surrender my heart to Him? I don't mean just trusting Him by knowing that He will provide. I am talking

My friend Sam sent out an email yesterday to a group of his friends proposing a get together before everyone leaves for summer vacations in February. One our friends suggested a dessert night. So last night we all got together in one of the homes and gathered around a table covered in ice cream, brownies, rice krispie treats, mms, and pie. I felt like a little kid. We all passed the different platters around as if they were normal dinner dishes. Like a 4 year olds. There were about 10 of us and we sat around eating sweets and talking. One of the guys there, Esteban, was particularly interesting to me. I met him months ago but I have never really talked to him. I went to his church on sunday and heard that he was interested in Jews, or at least had a bunch of Jewish friends. There aren't too many Jews down here so to hear this surprised me. Last night I found out that he actually knows quite a bit about Jewish life and culture. Our conversation also covered my other favorite issues

When I was nine years old I was in the chess club at school (and I still wonder why I was never cool). Recently while on the cruise I played a few times and was reminded just how much I really like the game. So today I bought a chess set. Now I just need to find someone to play with me...

I thought I would share with you the lyrics to the song I have put on repeat... This woman who takes on the world And picks up your shirts, keeps it together somehow This same woman that melts with your touch Wants you to feel what Im feeling right now (chorus)cause this woman needs A safe place to land The strength in your hands To know you know What this woman needs Is somewhere to cry So lay by my side And Ill tell you, Ill tell you This woman needs to be reassured That my hearts your home, and love is what wills you to stay I need you to see me in every light And hear that you still think Im beautiful anyway -SheDaisy

The air seems to be filled with death. Within the last two weeks, I have received the news of three deaths. The first came two weeks ago. My friend Alister's dad died. He was a godly man who served the church for years and raised godly children who will continue that rich hertitage. Then I got an email telling me that my childhood friend Josh had died (see the previous blog). And then not more than 12 hours later I found out that my friend Eduardo's sister died in a horrible car accident. She was 25. So I went to her funeral today in Valparaiso. I wasn't going to go. I didn't want to intrude. But I went. I got a call from Sam this morning offering a ride, but that they were leaving right away. And I said yes. I went to this funeral and sat in the large dark church listening to the priest chant away, and thinking about my friend Eduardo. I couldn't imagine, or I didn't want to. If my sister... I have been reading a book that Rach sent to me by Anne Lamott called

Dear Josh, You will never read this blog. Never recieve a letter from me. Never get that phone call. You have finally joined our Savior in Heaven after faithfully serving Him for over 20 years. Josh, I don't think i have seen you for at least 4 or 5 years. I haven't been a good friend. But you have stuck with me all this time. Your example of faith and love for the Lord was monumental in my life and I will carry your memory with me forever. One of my earliest memories is with you. I was staying at your house with you and Mike. We were being babysat by some girl, who knows who. And you and Mike changed clothes. You wore his red pajamas and Mike put on your blue ones. And what a laugh we got out of the confusion. Rebekah Wertheim and I used to argue about who would tell you apart better. I never won. But Josh, I remember. I don't remember when you first were diagnosed with cancer, but I remember how skinny you got from all your chemotherapy, and how light your hair was when

Here is a pic of Seba and I in front of my apartment. You can really tell, but I am wearing the dress I bought the other day (see my previous blog about materialism)

Today I hung out with Kallie's grandparents who are in Chile for the week. I took them all around Santa Lucia, Bellas Artes, and Bellavista, and then they took me to lunch. And I have to tell you, I hope I am like them when I am their age. they are in their 70's and trekking around the world. Really cool people. I was a little sick last night, just a fever and soreness. I don't know why I feel the need to share that with you all. I am just in a fairly random mood and feel like writing whatever I want. On that note, I have been thinking about somethings. Like our emotions and how silly and yet deep they seem. And the fact that we can't seem to control them. And yet we can't always live by them. I have also been thinking about how I always said I want this or that kind of life. And recently, maybe out of boredom more than anything else, I have decided to just go ahead and start living it. I am tired of waiting for my life to begin. I am tired of standing by as time fl

So I have been tagged by Kallie (I swear this feels like a chain letter thing, oh well!). I have to share 5 little known facts about me... hmmm... considering the fact that I am generally an open book, this is a difficult task. 1. I want to get married. Oh wait! Just joking, everyone who has spent more than 5 minutes talking to me or has read this blog knows this all too well. What you don't know is that one of my deepest fears is loving someone so much and then them dying. I think I realized it a year or two ago, but I really get scared at the thought of going through that type of pain. 2. On a lighter note. I drooled all over my sister when I was nine and I had gotten my tonsils out. She still holds it against me. 3. Some of you know this... When I was at Cal Poly, I used to walk around campus talking, or really praying, on my cell phone. I would put it on silent and then put it up to my ear. I know it sounds horribly nerdy, but really folks, try it. I had some of my best convers

Seba (a new friend I have been spending a ton of time with) asked me the other day what my favorite color is. He likes to psychoanalyze people and I like to have people psychoanalyze me, so it workds out pretty well. So he asked about my favorite color and I couldn't give hima straight answer. I said, when i am felling girly I like pink, when i am feeling hippy I like green (or when I think of Rachie), when I am feeling poetic I like deep blues and purples, and I love the brown in my eyes, I also admit that yellow and orange are my favorite when it is fall and the leaves are those colors. But then again, there is always red and white which make me feel hyper. So basically, I couldn't asnwer that question. And then he asked if I liked grey, and I thought about it... no. He told me that grey is the neutral color and basically I have just shown that I am not neutral in ANYTHING. That is probably one of the best psycholanalysis' I have ever had done on me. So then today I went