becka lippy

So today has been one of those days. One of those days when your journal is never close enough and all you want to do is curl up on your couch and stare at the wall, contemplating the thousands of mixed feelings running through your head. It is in these moments that I see God really working in my heart, teaching me to listen to Him, molding me into His image, letting me feel the helplessness and complete lostness that I am without Him. I have counseled girls for years on emotional integrity and trusting God with your heart. I boldly proclaimed that I trusted Him, that I had given Him my heart. But I didn't and I hadn't. Not completely at least. It's interesting that I wouldn't have known this about myself if I hadn't experienced the pain God let me walk through this last year. And now I am left with the question: will I put my trust in my Lord? Will I really surrender my heart to Him? I don't mean just trusting Him by knowing that He will provide. I am talking

My friend Sam sent out an email yesterday to a group of his friends proposing a get together before everyone leaves for summer vacations in February. One our friends suggested a dessert night. So last night we all got together in one of the homes and gathered around a table covered in ice cream, brownies, rice krispie treats, mms, and pie. I felt like a little kid. We all passed the different platters around as if they were normal dinner dishes. Like a 4 year olds. There were about 10 of us and we sat around eating sweets and talking. One of the guys there, Esteban, was particularly interesting to me. I met him months ago but I have never really talked to him. I went to his church on sunday and heard that he was interested in Jews, or at least had a bunch of Jewish friends. There aren't too many Jews down here so to hear this surprised me. Last night I found out that he actually knows quite a bit about Jewish life and culture. Our conversation also covered my other favorite issues

When I was nine years old I was in the chess club at school (and I still wonder why I was never cool). Recently while on the cruise I played a few times and was reminded just how much I really like the game. So today I bought a chess set. Now I just need to find someone to play with me...

I thought I would share with you the lyrics to the song I have put on repeat... This woman who takes on the world And picks up your shirts, keeps it together somehow This same woman that melts with your touch Wants you to feel what Im feeling right now (chorus)cause this woman needs A safe place to land The strength in your hands To know you know What this woman needs Is somewhere to cry So lay by my side And Ill tell you, Ill tell you This woman needs to be reassured That my hearts your home, and love is what wills you to stay I need you to see me in every light And hear that you still think Im beautiful anyway -SheDaisy

The air seems to be filled with death. Within the last two weeks, I have received the news of three deaths. The first came two weeks ago. My friend Alister's dad died. He was a godly man who served the church for years and raised godly children who will continue that rich hertitage. Then I got an email telling me that my childhood friend Josh had died (see the previous blog). And then not more than 12 hours later I found out that my friend Eduardo's sister died in a horrible car accident. She was 25. So I went to her funeral today in Valparaiso. I wasn't going to go. I didn't want to intrude. But I went. I got a call from Sam this morning offering a ride, but that they were leaving right away. And I said yes. I went to this funeral and sat in the large dark church listening to the priest chant away, and thinking about my friend Eduardo. I couldn't imagine, or I didn't want to. If my sister... I have been reading a book that Rach sent to me by Anne Lamott called

Dear Josh, You will never read this blog. Never recieve a letter from me. Never get that phone call. You have finally joined our Savior in Heaven after faithfully serving Him for over 20 years. Josh, I don't think i have seen you for at least 4 or 5 years. I haven't been a good friend. But you have stuck with me all this time. Your example of faith and love for the Lord was monumental in my life and I will carry your memory with me forever. One of my earliest memories is with you. I was staying at your house with you and Mike. We were being babysat by some girl, who knows who. And you and Mike changed clothes. You wore his red pajamas and Mike put on your blue ones. And what a laugh we got out of the confusion. Rebekah Wertheim and I used to argue about who would tell you apart better. I never won. But Josh, I remember. I don't remember when you first were diagnosed with cancer, but I remember how skinny you got from all your chemotherapy, and how light your hair was when

Here is a pic of Seba and I in front of my apartment. You can really tell, but I am wearing the dress I bought the other day (see my previous blog about materialism)

Today I hung out with Kallie's grandparents who are in Chile for the week. I took them all around Santa Lucia, Bellas Artes, and Bellavista, and then they took me to lunch. And I have to tell you, I hope I am like them when I am their age. they are in their 70's and trekking around the world. Really cool people. I was a little sick last night, just a fever and soreness. I don't know why I feel the need to share that with you all. I am just in a fairly random mood and feel like writing whatever I want. On that note, I have been thinking about somethings. Like our emotions and how silly and yet deep they seem. And the fact that we can't seem to control them. And yet we can't always live by them. I have also been thinking about how I always said I want this or that kind of life. And recently, maybe out of boredom more than anything else, I have decided to just go ahead and start living it. I am tired of waiting for my life to begin. I am tired of standing by as time fl

So I have been tagged by Kallie (I swear this feels like a chain letter thing, oh well!). I have to share 5 little known facts about me... hmmm... considering the fact that I am generally an open book, this is a difficult task. 1. I want to get married. Oh wait! Just joking, everyone who has spent more than 5 minutes talking to me or has read this blog knows this all too well. What you don't know is that one of my deepest fears is loving someone so much and then them dying. I think I realized it a year or two ago, but I really get scared at the thought of going through that type of pain. 2. On a lighter note. I drooled all over my sister when I was nine and I had gotten my tonsils out. She still holds it against me. 3. Some of you know this... When I was at Cal Poly, I used to walk around campus talking, or really praying, on my cell phone. I would put it on silent and then put it up to my ear. I know it sounds horribly nerdy, but really folks, try it. I had some of my best convers

Seba (a new friend I have been spending a ton of time with) asked me the other day what my favorite color is. He likes to psychoanalyze people and I like to have people psychoanalyze me, so it workds out pretty well. So he asked about my favorite color and I couldn't give hima straight answer. I said, when i am felling girly I like pink, when i am feeling hippy I like green (or when I think of Rachie), when I am feeling poetic I like deep blues and purples, and I love the brown in my eyes, I also admit that yellow and orange are my favorite when it is fall and the leaves are those colors. But then again, there is always red and white which make me feel hyper. So basically, I couldn't asnwer that question. And then he asked if I liked grey, and I thought about it... no. He told me that grey is the neutral color and basically I have just shown that I am not neutral in ANYTHING. That is probably one of the best psycholanalysis' I have ever had done on me. So then today I went

I was recently talking to a fellow blogger about what it is like to blog. Now, for those of you who think blogging is easy, maybe you have never tried it. I am not talking about the pressure to use perfect grammar or spelling in a blog (we all know that I don't care about those things). I am talking about the pressure of writing to a diverse audience, and not just any audience, but a personal one. Some blogs are thoughts, but not necessarily personal thoughts. They might be the person's political, social, or even religous thoughts. But when you write a blog about your personal thoughts, like what is going on in your life, what you are experiencing, who you are meeting, that is when things get complicated. I can longer really write about what I think without the fear of hurting someone. (Does that mean that my real thoughts are hurtful? hmmm) This blog started off for my family adn close friends to know how I am doing down here. And if you are reading this and you aren't on

Today is Sunday, which means church. I went to church today and was greeted by friends I hadn't seen in quite sometime, and I sang beautiful hymns, and I heard a fairly good sermon about (what a surprise!) the Gospel. And then, like I have wanted for so long, I hung out with the people in my church. We went to lunch and then to one of the guys houses where we watched the Simpsons and played a board game. It was a group of about 12 of us. And it is what I have wanted to see happen for so long. Disclaimer: if you are a part of my church and you are reading this, which there is one person in particular I am thinking of, please don't take this blog too seriously, it is just some thoughts. I say that because I left the group kind of sad. I am not sure why. I am not sure if I was feeling lonliness, or helplessness, or sentimental, or hormonal, or all of the above. But I left the group sad. I saw the Lord bless me today and I felt sad. Odd, isn't it? I have been feeling a lot of

So I am finally sitting down to write about my trip. I'm sorry this blog has taken so long but the business of coming home after a three week trip is large and ugly, so that had to be started before I could really sit down at ease and write. Our trip was amazing. Mom and Nigel met me in Buenos Aires as planned. We met at teh national airport where we would have just an hour or two to catch our next flight to Ushuaia. The argentinians wanted to give us a taste of their culture and did so by delaying the flight, changing the boarding gate, and then not telling us really what was going on. You have to love those argentinians! We arrived in Ushuaia late and saved our sight seeing for the next day. That next morning after checking in with the boat, we walked around town and enjoyed some yummy comida agentina. Then we boarded. I ahve to say, I never imagined that I would love living on a boat. I actualyl found the sea quite calming. Even the hard parts were relazing to me; others were no

So I am back in Santiago, but I still think of myself on vacation. My mom and Nigel are meeting me here in Santiago today and we will continue our sightseeing. Yesterday I was supposed to go to this Youth Leadership camp, but it didn't work out, so I stayed home. Well, after church I went to TGI Fridays (yes, just like in gringolandia) with Seba. Then got home to make some long overdue home calls. I talked to Danielle for a while. I am so excited for her to come out. Seriously, you know those people who just seem to get you? She's it for me. I am so looking forward to this upcoming year with her here. Then I spent some time translating my resume into spanish, eh. Then After a sweet refreshing phone call with Kallie, I met up with some other friends, ran some errands, and ended the day with an AMAZING call (about 4 1/2 hours) with the one and only chubs. She is finally back from Thailand and I haven't talked to her since August. She is one of the people I trust most in the w

This will have to be really short since we are running out the door to Valle de Elqui right now, but I wanted to wish all of you a very big HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!! 2006 is done and we get a fresh start with 2007... woo hoo! God bless! PS- I promise once I am back and everything is normal, I will post for real, with fotos and all.