Monday, February 18, 2013

How big is He to you?

I've made my way up to the roof of my apartment building. I love it up here. Up here, I look over the tops of the buildings, hear the traffic down below, and I know I am truly a city girl. Up here, I can sometimes see the Andes Mountains. Up here, I admire the clouds that make such interesting patterns, and the sunsets that take my breath away. Up here I worship the Creator of all these things.
After all, isn't it biblical. I'm pretty sure that the old-school guys like Daniel used to go up on their roofs to worship God. Not sure culturally why they chose their roofs, but I think the practice is quite appropriate for a 21st century city girl. Some people are evoked to worship God when they go out into nature. I feel it when I am in the city.

Today I've come up here to the rooftop to work. Now that I have three jobs, I have plenty of work to get done. But before I attacked the long to-do list for the day, I wanted to spend some time in Ephesians. You know, a devotional time.

But before you go thinking I am this really holy and awesome christian, I have a confession to make: I am extremely lazy when it comes to meditating on the Word of God. Oh, don't get me wrong, I teach bible studies all week long (yikes!). So I spend hours going through the bible with others, teaching them, encouraging them. And along the way I too get encouraged. But if I am honest, I am horrible at just sitting down myself and enjoying some time meditating in the Word of God. I know that I should, and not just because God says so (although He does), but because I have experienced time and time again the heart transforming power of the Word of God. It has power to move my frustrated heart into trust. To soothe my broken heart to hope. To give life where I thought all was lost. I have experienced that. So why am I so slow to turn to the bible? Why do I struggle to sit down and soak in the sweet words of God to His people?

It comes from lack of faith. I think if I could relate to anyone in the bible, it would be Peter. Passionate, action-driven, natural leader. Outspoken, mistake ridden, and really when we get down to it, of weak faith. That is me.

Today, before I read in Ephesians, I prayed that God would deal with my weak heart and my easily distracted mind. And as I read through the first chapter, really through the first six verses, I was overwhelmed by the words. They are identity words. Words of God to us about who He is and who He has made us in Him.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed upon us in the Beloved. (Eph 1:3-6)

That part, where God tells us that He adopted us, chose us in love, adopted us as sons (which I personally happily replace with the word "daughter"), that part leaves me in tears. When I think about how big God is, how majestic, all powerful, all knowing, all righteous God is. And then I think about Him choosing me. Knowing how weak I am, knowing my sin and shame. Knowing that He chose me despite all that because He had a plan to save me from that. That knowledge is too much, too good. My only response is tears. 

And as I sit here wiping away the tears as they roll down my cheek, feeling so loved and cherished, I can't help but notice that nothing else seems to matter in this moment. My daily stresses. My ordeal with trying to buy an apartment (long story for another blogpost). My struggles with being single. They all seem smaller in this moment. I have been adopted by a good and loving God. Called to be His. Loved and cherished by Him. As His daughter. How can anything else compare?

So my question for you (and myself) today: how big is God to you? How much of a difference does His Word make in your life? Do you really believe what He has said about Himself and who He has made you to be in Him? 

Oh Lord, deal with my weak heart and my easily distracted mind. Lord, help me believe. 

1 comment:

Dave Lipkowitz said...

I'm so proud of you. Dad