I assumed that as I got older, it would be easier to make decisions. But like so many other things in life, I was wrong. Life really only gets more complicated as we get older. More relationships to consider. More factors to come into play. More risks to be taken.
When I first came back to Chile, I told my family to give me one or two years to get settled and then I would want to open my cafe, Tulips. In about a month, I will complete the two year mark in Chile. And I'm not really ready yet to open the cafe. The problem is that I didn't just settle in, but I took on responsibilities and projects that are now hard to give up. Hard to give up partly because of others' expectations of me, and partly because I love a lot of what I am doing.
But it's gotten to the point of collapse in my life. I have too many things going on. Attention demanded in too many places.
I've been asking my pastor for counsel on how to make decisions. I struggle with when to say no. Everything seems good and important. So how do I know when to say no? My pastor told me that it's based upon my priorities. Ok, but I don't know what my priorities are. I don't have the obvious ones: husband and kids. So how do I rank my priorities?
Last night I listed out the various ways you might make decisions. Here are a few of the ways I thought of...
The biggest, most immediate need
The biggest, long term need
My own personal gifts and skills
My own desires and dreams
Where the money is
Where there is a lack of workers
And according to each of these, I will make different decisions. Someone asked me if I have anyone to help me work through this process. I have a few people who are involved in the process, but aren't we all biased? Of course my pastor is going to encourage me to stay involved in our church leadership. One of my dear mentors is closely related to my work with the Fundacion. My dad and I have been dreaming up this cafe for years. And as a friend pointed out, biases don't have to be bad. But we have to be honest about them.
So all this to say, prayers are much appreciated. What a blessing to have TOO many opportunities to serve God. What a season of life! I dreamed for so long about returning to Chile, and God has gone above and beyond all my expectations in the life He has given me there. Now it's just a matter of wisdom.