Sunday, October 16, 2011

sustained by grace

This morning I am overwhelmed by not only the quantity of grace that is sustaining me at this moment, but the fact that God (again, because of grace) is letting me have a little peep into the reality of my need for grace. Recently I was unconsiderate of a friend. Very unconsiderate. It wasnt on purpose but my actions showed how poorly I loved her. She confronted me on it and I apologized again and again, truly sorry for hurting her, but the uneasy feeling stayed in my gut.
I am actively preaching grace to myself...
There are some aspects of my heart that are so girly, that they often are sinful. One of them is my tendency to wander off in my mind with a guy. I meet a quality (or so says his facebook profile) guy and its not too much an exaggeration to say that within seconds I have our courtship, wedding, and first three kids all planned out and ready to go. Why is it wrong to do this? Well, for one thing it comes from a heart that is not content with what God has for me in this moment. So this weekend, my heart as usual, not content in the Lord. But God has been (because of grace) teaching me to really surrender to Him. And that part of this surrender is honoring Him with my thoughts. And this is NO easy feat! My mind starts to wander, and I suddenly freeze, cry out to God and stop the movie that has started to play out in my mind.
Again, I am actively preaching grace to myself.
So as I lay here in bed on Sunday morning, overwhelmed by my need for grace, I am grateful that grace, by definition, is not something I can deserve or earn and that the grace that is mine, is mine by the blood of Jesus. That His work on the cross is stronger than anything I could ever do. And that it will never run out. My coldheartedness toward my friend, my lack of contentment in Jesus, all of my sin that is much bigger and grosser than I even know. It leads my back to the cross of Jesus. Where His faithfulness paid for my faithlessness. And by it, I have been given the most treasured possession in the world, a restored relationship with my Creator.
What sweet goodness I get to preach to myself this morning!

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