Saturday, May 28, 2011

happy birthday to me...

Hello all!
I know it's been quite a while since I posted here. To be honest, I've had a rough few weeks. Why? you ask. Well, basically through the course of a few events, and a few people, the Lord showed me just how little I trust Him. So we had a bit of a wrestling match over the past few weeks and I bet you can guess who won.
But this past week has been much calmer. I still feel like my trust is much more "head" trust than "heart" trust, but it's okay because I have seen the Lord's faithfulness in this time and I know He won't let me go.
So tonight is my last night as a 27 year old. I had an asado (bbq) last week for my birthday. Honestly, I don't really like to celebrate my birthday. It has nothing to do with getting older. Actually, in some weird way I like the fact that I am getting older. I don't feel like Im as mature as I should be at this age, but I like to think that with age comes wisdom and I really want that. So bring on the years!
No, I don't like to celebrate my birthday because I am uncomfortable with all the attention on me. I know most of you don't believe me since I am generally a very social person, but it's true. And actually, I am not as socially driven as I used to be. I find that I really need a lot more alone time these days. Tonight I'm home alone. My friends invited me to go out and I was just too tired to make it happen. No, my perfect Saturday night was staying home, in my pjs, and listening to music on youtube. (And no, Im not depressed, I'm honestly very happy, I just want to spend more time alone!)
Tomorrow is Sunday, my birthday. My friends are planning a lunch for me. Which is really sweet, and totally unexpected. In fact, it is slightly unwanted. I dont like the attention and the thought of a group of people all singing happy birthday to me makes me blush even now! But I realize that this isn't even really about me. My friends want to do this, and I need to get over myself and let them. I need to let them love me in this way. So I'll spend the morning alone and then head over to my friend Mauro's house where the festivities will be held.
Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, but it doesn't quite feel like a birthday. I'm not sad or excited for tomorrow. Weird eh? Well, in any case, I'll be 28 tomorrow (or in 15 minutes at midnight!!!) So wish me happy birthday, send me cards, and watch me get wiser by the day!


kimmen said...

Happy birthday sweetheart!

I read something yesterday (on a travel blog) that is analogous to question of increased wisdom as one ages.

"If you visit a country for a week you come back and write a book. If you visit a country for a month you come back and write an article. If you visit a country for a year, you come back and find yourself unable to put pen to paper."

So it is with life, I think. When I was younger I had very strong opinions and was sure I understood the Meaning of Life. As I've gotten older I see that there are many small-m meanings. We discover and create the meaning of our life over time. It's much harder with this perspective to make any concrete pronouncements or to judge people for the decisions they make.

May this new year be a wonderful and fruitful one to you!



Anonymous said...

Happy birthday my friend!


Anonymous said...

You don't like people singing Happy Birthday to you, but you were fine singing Happy Birthday to all those kids when you were dressed up as Chuckie Cheese!

You probably don't feel good or bad about this birthday because it is 28. All those inbetween years have that feeling. It's the decades and 1/4 century marks that tend to stand out.

I know that you are getting wiser with age. I pray that the Lord will continue to bless you, and that you will continue to draw closer to him.

Just 6 months until I come see you!

Love, Dad