I guess it's time for a little "heart" update. The truth is, there isn't much to tell. I feel my desire to get married getting stronger and yet more controlled as I get older. I know, I'm not that old yet. I'm 27. But as my mom so graciously pointed out to me recently, that was the age she was when she got married. Thanks mom.
It's interesting being a single woman here in Korea. It seems like most younger girls have boyfriends, and the older girls are desperate for one. Unlike the states where there is a valid "singles" culture, there is none here. It is really awkward if you don't have a significant other. People will often ask you why. People will speculate about what's wrong with you. And then they will offer to set you up on a blind date. Going on blind dates, so-ghe-ting as they call it, is one of the most popular ways to meet potential boyfriends. There is a cultural expectation here that women get married by the time they are 30 (remember that I am 28 in Korea). So some of my students, upon learning my age, remind me that I need to be working on finding a husband. I think some of them have given up hope on me.
I haven't exactly given up hope. Like I said, my desire has become less of a blaring siren, and more of a dull drumming of hope that someday those desires will be met. Sometimes I catch myself watching cute couples in the park or on the subway, and I feel a little jolt of sadness. Why can't I have that? And I have to remind myself that I wouldn't want that here in Korea. I'm not staying here so that kind of relationship would just bring problems and sure heartbreak.
But more than the logistical justification for being single now, I have a reason for being in this place in this season. God has me here. I have to trust that He has control over this situation. I have to trust that He is working out His good and perfect will in my life. That no minute is wasted. If I ever marry, it will be in His timing. He could have brought me a husband much sooner, but He hasn't. He desires me to be single in this time. So I praise Him for that. I don't feel praise, but I know that I praise Him. He has never left me and He has never taken me somewhere without giving me the grace to be there. He has proved faithful before, and my hope is rested in His unfailing faithfulness in the future.