You may have noticed that recently I have been working through some of my views on marriage as it pertains to my life. I've been praying (as in my last post) that I would find joy in the place the Lord has me. When I was younger I prayed for contentment. But I think that is only half a prayer. Sure Paul says he has learned to be content in whatever situation he is in, but the Lord commands us to be joyful always. So that is my prayer. That I may truly relish the places the Lord has me. Even when they aren't what I had planned on.
So last night after all the girls left my apartment, I realized something. And it gave me great joy. My friends say that I was created to be a wife. I think the qualities that bring them to make that kind of statement (besides my incredibly attractive body! haha) are my love for hospitality and my deep desire to love people. I agree that these are qualities that would serve fairly well in a marriage, but it hit me last night: they serve VERY well in singleness. In fact, they almost are better gifts for singleness. In many ways, my personaility does well as a single serving the Lord. Instead of focusing my love on my husband and children, I am free to love and serve many people. Instead of cooking dinner each night for one family, I am free to cook for many people.
I took a friend to the doctor this morning, and was filled with joy once again as I got to serve her. I was praying on my way home, worshiping God for giving me the joy that I had begged Him for. And I realized that if I marry, God will call me to love and serve a man (which will be to my joy). But until then, my love and service is devoted to God. It is Him that I concern myself with, that I love, that I serve each day. But then I wondered, how does it actually play out. I don't get to cook God dinner. I don't get to take care of Him when He is sick. But Jesus said that whoever we feel and care for, for the least of people, we do for Him. So when I cook for the hungry, when I care for the sick, when I love God's people, I am really loving God.
Now I know this is boardline annoying (like how I went on "dates" with Jesus when I was in college). But just stay with me here for a moment. So I got to see how I would get to love and serve in a wifely way as a single devoted to God. But what about the role of a husband in my life? You see, a husband is called to love and care for his wife. And really, the moments when I MOST desire a husband is when I can't take care of myself. When I'm sick, or my car breaks down. These are the moments when I truly cry out to the Lord begging for a man. How does this work if I am single? Well, the moment the thought went through my head, the Lord laughed (gently) at me and asked if I really didn't think He was bigger and greater than any man. If I trusted a man to take care of me, could I not trust the Lord? He would provide.
So I am learning to find joy in my current place in life. It's a process and some moments are more joyfilled than others. But the Lord has heard my prayer and it teaching me each day to look to Him and to trust Him to be my place of joy.