Thursday, November 27, 2008

the road ahead

My facebook status reads that I am "sad, hopeful, and thankful for it all." And really, all three of those are exactly how I have been feeling as I approach the end of my time at Westminster. Yesterday was my last day of classes for the semester. I have a few weeks of madness ahead of me with finals and the the rest of the December will be spent doing... well, not much. Then, after a three day class on Islam in the beginning of January, it's up to NYC for me. I'll be moving into the Jews for Jesus building to spend some quality time with the two student interns there. I'll also spend some time working on my thesis which is on discipleship formation among the postmodern unchurched population in Manhattan. My nerd alarm goes off anytime I even begin to think about how excited I am to work on this project. And then May 28th, I graduate, and that is where this timeline stops. I have NO idea where the Lord will take me at that point. In fact, I have little idea of what my life will look like from January through May. All this uncertainty should be rocking my world, but so far I've been fairly calm. I've been here before, in the land of uncertainity. And I have seen the Lord lead time and time again into new territory, into new schools, new communitites, even new countries. And He has always provided. So I am learning to trust that His goodness never fails.
Yet I'm surprised. And I'm surprised that I'm surprised. I've been feeling this sadness fall over my heart this last week. The thought of leaving the community I have found at Westminster brings tears to my eyes. My friend Michelle accuses me of breaking hearts. I go places, make friends, and then leave. And I am tired of feeling like there is no permanence in my life. I'm tired of making friends and then realizing that I will leave them soon. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, but this week I am allowing myself to feel that pain and coming before the Lord with it, and offering it. There isn't much else I can do. But my sadness is followed by hope, knowing that God is good and has given me this opportunity to place all my trust in Him. And at the end of the day, I am thankful for this time.

1 comment:

Carleigh said...

lets hope the lord takes you to my wedding on 7/17 :) otherwise im going to have an empty bridesmaid hole.