Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Moment of Grace

This blog post is dedicated to Laura, David, Sarah, and Casey.
Laura shared something the Lord has been teaching her recently, and it didn't hit me until a few hours later how deep this truth is. My feelings to not dictate my being. When I am feeling something bad, sadness or pain, that doesn't change the fact that the Lord is good. I don't mean to diminish pain or any other feeling, but to give it its proper place in my life. It is not what decides what is true about me. The Lord decides what is true about me and His promises to His people are true whether or not we feel them. We are forgiven. We are loved. We are in Christ Jesus the apple of His eye. When Laura shared this with me, I heard it and walked away. Little did I know the Lord would deal so greatly with me today.
David and I work together in Student Association here at Westminster. And he made a comment to me yesterday that stung my heart deep in its core. Not because his comment was wrong in any way, but it was dead on right. Nor did he say it in anger or malice, but with honesty and love. What he said probably wasn't even caught by anyone else in the room, but its effect on my spirit made it obvious to me that the Holy Spirit was working this one. The Lord has been hard core convicting me of my pride, my ridiculous pride. And after a few days of looking at the ugliness in the mirror, I am ready to cry out for mercy.
So I have come to The Loft (our student hangout) to get work done. I had a long day of school and work, and instead of lying in bed and watching tv, I've decided to use my one free weeknight to get work done. As I was driving over here I was hit by the sadness of the relationships, or lack thereof in my life right now. My closest friends live the furthest, and I am feeling alone. I know people out there who love me, but here in this place right now, I have nothing to hold onto besides the pile of books I have to read.
Those were the thoughts that were running through my mind when I signed onto gmail. I saw Sarah's gchat message: "If you ever doubt God's love and patience for you, just read the Bible" Matt Chandler. And I realized, it was exactly what I needed. That's when I saw Casey's chat message: Romans5, baby, Romans5. Ok, sounds good. And that's what I read. And God is faithful. The first few verse are about how we stand in grace and worship in hope of the glory of God. That is what is true about me. My lonliness is my feeling right now. Sadness maybe. But those are not what is my being, who I am. I am fully justified, standing before God, worshiping Him in the beauty of His glory. Because that is His promise to me, and His promises are true no matter what I feel. Amen.


slu said...

wow, what did david say? i feel like i've had similar moments like you with him :)

beckalippy said...

ha, yeah... basically in a very grace filled way David suggested that I should let other people do stuff for SA instead of trying to do it all myself, and really it was the Holy Spirit confronting me with my absurd belief that I can do it better than anyone else. ech.