Sunday, September 28, 2008

lonliness, or lack thereof

In a conversation with my dearest Chubs last night, she asked me if I was lonely. This is not an extraordinary question since our conversations since jr. high have often times been around the topic of boys and relationships. But it was the first time someone (especially someone who knows me so weel) straight out asked me if I was lonely. I couldn't answer immediately. I didn't want to assume that I was since that seems like the right answer for a lady of my age and situation. But I also didn't want to say no just because that is the seemingly more "spiritual" answer. I finally answered " I don;t think so". But it left me wondering. Am I lonely? I know I still desire to get married, I think. But if I'm not lonely, then why do I want to tie the knot? Chubs and I discussed it a little more and I think for the time being, the Lord has allowed me to desire marriage without really wanting it now. It's nice. I realize still that I may never get married and I may very well struggle with deep bouts of lonliness. But I will praise God now for the wonderful times I have right now. TImes filled with something that might almost look like contentment. What a thought.

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