I’m sitting at Starbucks, listening to Sarah McLaughin, drinking my favorite tea (passion with raspberry), and feeling completely convinced that I live the most enchanted life. I remember missing these moments when I was in Chile. I know this moment here and now is special and I will miss it when it is gone. I will think back on my days in seminary and think they were the best of my life. I have two jobs I enjoy, an amazing school I attend, and a deep realization that the grace that permeates my life has nothing to do with my merit, but a loving God.
I am haven’t forgotten this blog. I just have been in a funny place of life. I am on winter break, kinda. I have both my jobs in full force and am trying to read ahead for this upcoming semester. Life might seem slow but I am telling you, the Holy Spirit rests for no one and no season. He has continued this work in my life that He began so long ago. The more recent conviction has been in the area of prayer.
I took a seminar class with Dr. Witmer a few weeks ago. It was on Leadership. During the class I was horrified by the ugliness of my heart that the Lord let me see. Indeed, I am a power hungry wolf. I have been blessed with the gift of leadership and during the class I realized how much I have abused this gift for my own self gratification. I love the feeling of power that comes with positions of leadership. I love the respect that comes with it. And that scares me. You know what else scares me? The lack of time I spend praying for those I lead. I wrote my final paper for the seminar on this process of realization that I went through. Here is peek at what I wrote:
One of the tests the Lord has given me to examine my heart and tell me if I am approaching the sheep as a shepherd or a power hungry wolf is my desire to pray for them. Power hungry wolves do not care to pray for the sheep- they just want power over the sheep. Shepherds on the other hand realize that the sheep ultimately belong to the Lord and find themselves on their knees in prayer for their sheep. Even the Great Shepherd Jesus spent time praying for the sheep that had been entrusted to Him. I am very quick to speak into women’s lives and slow to pray for them.