Saturday, December 22, 2007

Stomach Flu.. ech

I have never had the stomach flu before. Thursday night I started to feel sick. Really sick. I spent most of Thursday night throwing up. Since then it has been a vicious cycle of nausea, fever, and aching. The amazing thing about being sick these last few days is the absolute change in the way I am handling being sick. I know, it sounds pathetic, but I am the BIGGEST baby when I am sick. I cry over nothing and sit in a perpetual pity party. I am such a baby. My friends and roommates can attest to this. One time I burst out crying in youth group because I had a fever. My emotions actually feel uncontrollable when I am sick and I spend a good amount of time crying.
But this time was different. I got sick, and as usual called my mom. Even when I was in Chile, if I got sick I called my mom. I just need her to know that I am sick, even if she can do nothing about it. So I called her Thursday, let her know. I didn't cry, didn't sit in a pity party. I was miserable, don't get me wrong. I would easily categorize the throwing up as violent, but I didn't cry. There were moments when I was in so much pain but I never got that depressed feeling that I usually get when I am sick. There was a moment on Thursday night when I felt myself trying to feel pity, but realizing that I couldn't. I also realized that it was a gift from God. I was immediately filled with gratitude and began praying that God would continue to give me the grace I needed to get through this. And He has.
Even with it being Christmas time (not my favorite time of the year) and all my friends having left to go home to their families for the break, even being all alone and very sick, I am still okay. This must be the work of God in my heart. There can be no other explanation. Really, the change is so dramatic that I almost don't believe it's real. The Lord never ceases to surprise me.

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