Monday, December 17, 2007

Long time awaiting

I know its been a while since I wrote here. I have thought a lot about this blog. I'm sure no one even reads it (except Sam and Rachel) and really, should anyone read these thoughts? This blog has become so confession for me. I have found myself time and time again turning to this medium for my therapy, working out the craziness that I find in my heart. It used to be a way of telling my family and friends about my time in South America. I had all my connections in one central area and I knew that through the blog I could inform those I loved of my wellbeing. But now my connections are more arbitrary. I don't have any centrality in my life. I am geographically in Philadelphia. I am mentally in California (James would argue that I never mentally left California!) I am academically in Jerusalem, Geneva, and Scotland. And my heart, my heart still resides in Chile. I still cry sometimes over mi pais. Not as much as I used to. But when I am honest with my situation, and I allow myself to feel those desires that I usually deny myself, I long to be back in Chile. I am no where and everywhere all at once. This is where I am writing from.

I always seem to have Carrie Bradshaw's voice in my mind, opening the scenes of my life with such feminine clarity. The constant commentary on my life is sometimes encouraging, sometimes pathetic. But always entertaining. I think I actually believe that I live in a sitcom. I am finally through the madness of finals and have a moment to rest and reflect on the last three months. I am at Elcy's Coffeehouse, one of my favorite places to sit for a few hours. The next few blogs will be more of a emotional purge after the binge of the past few months. I hope whoever reads them can find it in their heart to forgive my distracted ramblings, and maybe they might see the heart behind the madness.

3 comments:

samlago said...

Hey! I really like this one. I have the feeling I will be in the same place, when I'm in Norn Iron next year. So hopefully I'll be able to learn from your experiences! Keep it up!

Jared and Leah said...

Hi Becka,

I read it too :)

Have fun in the snow - I'll be jealous of you!

Love, Leah

Anonymous said...

Ha! You're wrong. I read it, although not consistently. But now that you're back (in the blogging sense) I will be reading more regularly. Love, Danielle