Monday, December 04, 2006

Some news from the heart

So I had a conversation with one of my dear friends last night (you know who you are!) about how difficult it is to be single, especially during the holidays. It seems like everytime I login to facebook, I find wedding pictures of another buddy from university who has tied the knot. Every Valentine's Day I swear that the next year, just one more year, and I will have a real valentine. And every year, I am left trying to find excuses for not having a real valentine.
Now I am being really honest here and if you just happened to stumble upon this blog and you don't actually know me, then you can stop reading. But the name of my blog is heart of lippy, and I being the extremely emotional, "let's figure out what is going on in our hearts" type of girl, I want to really share with you guys what is going on in my heart.
For the last 23 years I have wanted to get married. Seriously, my mom can vouch for me. It probably started in the womb. Now when people discover this fact about me, they usually react by telling me not to rush into anything and not to marry just anyone, but to be sure that he is a Christian. And they often seem worried that I am going to run off with the first guy who comes my way. Okay...
There is another part of me that is just as vital a part of my desire. I have a list of non-negotiables. I wrote out the list about 3 years ago when an older woman told me to think about those things I want in a man that are non- negotiable (I have now patened that term and plan on writing the next Purpose Driven Life based around this idea). Basically, this is a list of 5 things that I know are necessary in order for me to marry someone. I REFUSE to be with someone who does not have these qualities. (and no, dark curly hair and a big nose are not included in the list, but they do help the guy's chances!) The funny thing is that when I share this list with others, they often tell me that my expectations are too high. That I expect too much. That I won't find a guy like that and that I should just "let love find me". So while people are all worried that I am going to run off with the first guy to come along, they are also worried that I won't ever find that ONE guy who fits my list.
Well, the last few months I have been learning a lot about love and what it means to like someone and to not like someone and to start a relationship, and to break up, all of has been before my eyes these last few months.
And I have come to two conclusions.
1.) being in love, being known, knowing someone, being loved, and loving someone are deep desires in the hearts of bascially every girl I have ever met (and I bet most boys feel it too)
2.) my non-negotiables are NOT too high. This has been so confirmed in the last few months. People think that no guy will have all my non-negotiables, but that is a lie. God has proved to me that has created a guy who fits my non-negotiables and that He can do it again. I have recently tried (kinda) to lower my expectations, and I realized very quickly that lowering my expectations is a BIG mistake. God is in the process of making me more like His Son Jesus Christ. That I might serve and love and preach His good news of salvation. And in that manner, I am being made a godly woman. How should I not then save my heart for a godly man.
That being said, I am reminded every time I get all mopey about being alone, that God has promised to be good to me. That He has promised to bring all that I need to live a godly life. That He will provide everything in my life, including His providing fulfilment of that need to be loved and to love. The holiday season that is coming up has been traditionally one of the hardest times of my year. To be honest, I hate Christmas. Not that I hate the remembering that Jesus was born. Or that I hate the commericalism of it all (which I do, but that's not the point I am making). But I hate that I have this idea of what Christmas should look like. And it never does. Christmas time is always filled with couples holding hands and kissing under mistletoe, and all that crap. Many of my friends have gotten married in the last year and are celebrating their first Christmas together... and that is really awesome. But I guess for all those of us who don't have that yet and are feeling alone, I am there with you. And let us hold onto those promises that God gave us as His children, we have a heavenly Father who loves us and will provide everything we need. Including love.
God bless.

8 comments:

ali said...

First of all-- finally you wrote something!! I like to keep on top of you life, from over here, and I didn't find out anything about your weekend insights!

Second of all-you can be my long distance Valentine- I am right there with ya sister, I swear, I have had boyfriends, and SOMEHOW, Valentine's day has always fallen during a single time or when I was on a break..luckily John Fitzgerald has faithfully brought me chocolates every time (father, not a cousin)- yeah, so you can be mine this year!

Third of all, I like your insights.. don't lower your standards, because if you do, you will find a schmuck- and even if you find a good guy, you are a pretty hard-core Jesus lovin kinda kid, so if you marry any guy that isn't 110% behind big J, after like 2 years, he might get sick of comin second to JC and he'll throw you out the window, or divorce you, or run away..so just save yourself the doctors and lawyers bills and hold out for the right guy...

Forth of all, - aw krap, my forth of all just went out the window, bc I was gonna say, you can hold Ashlee's hand for the holidays, but I just remembered she'll be at home.. I guess you can hold Paola's hand..

Fifth of all, write me a juicy email!!!!!!

Love and miss ya, and I show everyone in the neighborhood that cute little transit cajita you made me, you innovator, you :)

LOVE YOU!!!!

ALI

ali said...

I feel like I just wrote a blog-- haha, I have long comments

Rach said...

MI AMOR! Let me just say that your standards should NEVER be lowered. There is such an amazing thing (a rarity) about someone who knows what they want in a husband/wife, and doesn't compromise. You are an example to me. Te quiero y I'm praying for you.

Rach said...

oh and also, wow, I second the "blog" that ali just left....especially that paragraph about her "third of all" point....such a way with words our little New Yorker, seriously though, I agree. Oh, and becka....I'll be your valentine in Cali...look at you, you've got them all over the world....hmmm....looks like you need to get some over on the other side of the atlantic. Besitos!!!!

aviva said...

boys suck.

beckalippy said...

thanks Ali, What you said means alot to me. I might take you up on the offer to be Valentines...
Rach, you will always hold a special place in my heart.
Aviva, yep. Estoy de acuerdo! I hope boys aren't sucking for you personally right now... whatever happened to brad pitt?

beckalippy said...

Actually Ali, I have been thinking about it, and you can't be my Valentine becuae you can't take me to the park along the Rio Mapocho to make out... sorry.

Anonymous said...

Becka,
As your roommate, I have been a first-hand witness to the fact that God is shaping you more and more into a woman of His. He is doing some serious refining with you, and honestly, I can't think of anyone who has integrity like you do. The guy who gets you is a lucky dude. And he's got to match your level of godly refinement. DON'T lower those NNs!