Sunday, November 27, 2005

Sunday sunday

I am writing from the food court at teh local mall where there are computers you can pay to use. I just finished having lunch with 6 californians. I am not sure why, but it seems like the majority of gringos I meet are from California. A little side note. Do you ever think that you like someone one because it works well to like them, and not because you actually like them. For example, you might choose to like your new boss, because liking your boss would make your life easier. But there is not necessarily anything special about your boss. Sometimes I wonder if I choose to like people more than I actually like them. Like I like the idea of them. Some people who read this will prabably thing I am crazy, but others of you will understand. And then the next question is: If you like someone just becasue you want to, does that make it wrong?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i totally understand what you're talking about. it's been documented before scientifically, and -- in the extreme -- has a name: the "Stockholm syndrome."

excerpt from a website: "The captives begin to identify with their captors. At least at first this is a defensive mechanism, based on the (often unconscious) idea that the captor will not hurt the captive if he is cooperative and even positively supportive. The captive seeks to win the favor of the captor in an almost childlike way."
http://www.yahoodi.com/peace/stockholm.html


here's my off-the-cuff response for your less extreme and real-life situation.

i think it's a gift to be able to like a person if liking a person is to your advantage, since when you radiate positive feelings they're generally returned (the converse is also true).

e.g., if you radiate positive feelings and acceptance to your boss, s/he will feel more positively toward you. that's definitely in your interest, and you have obviously picked this up, perhaps subconsciously.

on the other hand, i think it's potentially dangerous to then go further and actually trust a person, especially if they're in a position of power. in my experience, very few people can really be trusted. and people in positions of power may be among the least worthy of trust (for any number of reasons).

don't forget to watch out for yourself. radiate goodwill and positive feelings, but not so much that people think you're stupid and lacking any judgment. and don't forget to retain judgment internally, regardless of what you radiate: pay attention. these people you interact with at work are not your family and not your closest friends who have proven themselves through years of faithful caring. you have to assume that people will be looking out for themselves, and if it suits their purposes to can you, demote you, criticize you to others, or simply ignore your existence, they may do so. allow people to earn your trust, but don't give it away indiscriminately.

i'm personally far too trusting, and have learned this the hard way. so in the time-honored tradition of parents exhorting their children to learn from their mistakes, watch out for yourself!

love, mom