For those of you who don´t know me too well, I have kept a diary since I was about 13 years old. I go through about a notebook every other month or so. If anyone thought I wrote alot on my blogs, you should see my journals. So today, I was writing not because I really knew what to write, but I felt like maybe I needed to write. Some interesting truths about how I am feeling right now came out while I was writing. Here is a piece of my entry:
I just wish I knew what I was doing. Right now I am so sick of waiting. I do really like the idea of working with the AIDS project... Jesus, I am happiest when I am serving You. And I haven´t really been doing that here. If anything, this two month period has taught me how I am absolutly misreble without serving You. It is like James in the Bible says, "faith without works is dead". And it is true. I have faith and I have had faith, I have studied Your Word, and I have kept my mind learning about You. But I have not loved. My faith is worthless without the acts of love. And I see it more clearly here than ever before. My faith has become a withered flower. And at the thought of serving You God, I feel a swelling deep in my spirit promising revival.
So I wrote that today and realized that I need to stopignoring the call deep in my heart. There is a project with SIMS which focuses it´s attention on reaching and loving and serving the AIDS community. At Cal Poly, my friend Ashlee and I were determined to change the misperception on our campus that Christians hated the GLBU (Gay Lesbian Bisexual Union). We went to a few of their events and made friends. One of them, Conrad, I will remember forever since he helped me through a very hard time in my life. I don´t know too much about this project but when I go to Temuco tomorrow night, I will be staying with the missionaries who are trying to build this project. They have asked me to look at their proposal and I am excited to see it. I don´t know if this is where I am supposed to be, but I would be willing to live in Santiago if I was serving the Lord in that way.