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a scary moment

So I have to confess here because I guess this blog is really my accountablity and I want to be honest. Last night I had a scary moment where the thought passed through my mind to rebel against God for a while. This is not the first time the thought has come. There have a been a few times in the past when I have seen just how rebellious my heart is. But last night was different. I really considered it. I am not sure exactly what I was considering, but in my head I thought, why not spend a few months not caring about the Lord? My mind played with the thought for a few hours and then I felt the Lord reminding me of Psalm 73. I remembered telling people that when HUGE temptation comes it is often because God is about to use you and Satan is nervous. If you are not a threat to the kingdom of darkness, you probably don´t need to be tempted. So as I was thinking about all this, and the fact that I am trying to find a job down here where I can serve God, I realized that there must be a particular reason I am so tried right now. So I read through Psalm 73 which the Lord has used in my life more than any other passage of scripture, and although I can still taste the rebellion in my mouth, I think God is showing my heart every minute how much I need Him and how much I desire Him.
Whoever reads this please, please pray that although I am tempted to be rebellious, that I remain obediant.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Hmmm....reading this blog was like reading my own words my dear. I know those rebellious tendencies all too well I'm afraid. Isn't it funny how so tightly chained we are to this world that we would even consider it a better option than our Lord? To turn against Him when we know that He is truth and brings true life, is really our way of saying we believe there is something better out there. HA!!! How can that be, oh silly human nature?!!! What in this world could possibly be better than our Lord Jesus?! Yet still, the thoughts/temptations are all too often placed so heavily upon my will. Sometimes our ties to this world and the influence of the enemy can be so frustrating! But hey, at least you're not alone in these feelings! Surprise.... you're not perfect!! ;) Isn't it comforting though to think on the fact that our Lord Jesus became flesh, and was tempted as well...and man did He prevail or what?!!! :) It's so great that we have a Lord who relates to us so intimately! (oops, I fear this comment is turning into a novel) So anyways, I can totally relate to your blog and thank you so much for that encouragment you always provide. I will be praying for you and that pull of rebellion, and I would ask you pray the same for me. I love you. May the joy of the Lord be your strength!
your rebellious "roomie" (yes, I can still call myself that!)
12:06 PM
Anonymous said…
sounds like you're human, to me!
but then, i don't aspire to being super-human.

from my perspective, i wouldn't judge you if you didn't live up to your personal code of religious morality. but since i know you would (judge yourself), i think you should abide by your personal code. otherwise, i think you'd be miserable, and whatever pleasure you might experience by "time off" would be more than lost when you had to confront your disappointment in yourself. so, to sum up, don't do whatever it is you might want to.
be true to yourself.

i check your blog every day.
it's been a couple of days.
when's the next one?

my guess is you can guess who.

many hugs

probably one of the only unbelievers among your many correspondents.
1:06 AM
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