After so many days of all this pressure anmd worrying about what I am supposed to do, and who i am supposed to be, I have decided that God told me exactly who I was BEFORE I came to Chile and that still remains. I am His daughter and I am a forgiven sinner. End of story. All I need to do is love God, love His creation, and live this life He has given me. That is all. So I am going to stop worrying about what the people here want me to believe and start living what I know. End of that story.
Another side note, I never knew that I would be so oaky with not talking to anyone for such a long time. It scares me a bit, how much I talk to myself and how much of it sounds like philosophy. Leah (my roommate) used to say that my brain worked differently than most people, and these past few weeks where I have spent so much time working over issues in my head, I have begun to agree with her. I finished my first journal (mom, it is not ready to be published though) and have now begun a journal that is more of an outlet for my thoughts, my crazy deep philosphical life questioning thoughts. I hope they make sense when i read them someday.
Another side note, I never knew that I would be so oaky with not talking to anyone for such a long time. It scares me a bit, how much I talk to myself and how much of it sounds like philosophy. Leah (my roommate) used to say that my brain worked differently than most people, and these past few weeks where I have spent so much time working over issues in my head, I have begun to agree with her. I finished my first journal (mom, it is not ready to be published though) and have now begun a journal that is more of an outlet for my thoughts, my crazy deep philosphical life questioning thoughts. I hope they make sense when i read them someday.
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"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might " Ephesians 1:18-19
rachie